Car Crash for the love birds
by Solstice1394
Summary: We join Brian and Justin after a long night of dancing and drinking, and they where driving to the loft for some fun of their own when the unexpected happens. Brian and Justin are in a car crash after a month of not seeing each other after Justin and he had gotten used to Justin in New York. Looking for a beta fair warning!
1. Chapter 1

A/N Brian has gone through cancer; Justin has come back from New York for the weekend and one final note Brian has the Jeep not the corvette. I only do this because the Jeep would probably survive the crash better than the sports car. They had made their rounds around the club and said hi to Deb when he got into town. Right now we join Brian and Justin after a long night of dancing and drinking, and they where driving to the loft for some fun of their own.

Justin was fidgeting with the radio, and Brian was enjoying the way Justin bit his lip when he was excited or trying to make up his mind. Brian was stopping at a light, and the guy behind him was pissing him off because he was on his bumper. He was also pretty sure that hid bumper was shiny enough, it didn't need a spit polish.

"This jack-ass needs to get off our tail if we're going to make it to the loft, and still have a hard on."

"You're just fine," Justin said as he buckled his seat again and looked in the rear view mirror to see the behemoth of a truck behind them.

"I know, I just like the idea of my bumper being a decoration for the rest of the Jeep and not to being used tonight."

"Well if your car bumper is just like your rear bumper then it will probably never be used." Justin joked to Brian, as he listened to the music and was remembering the "thumpa thumpa" from the club, when Brian had come to grab him after cruising some guy. It never amounted to anything, Justin found that throughout the day Brian had been attentive from Deb's dinner to, Mel and Linds' going to the park with Gus and JR.

"Haha sunshine," Brian retorted to his comment about his ass, only Justin would get him to bottom, he like it best though when Justin would suck him off.

"Brian watch out…" Justin shouted to Brian as a car speed into them from the front end. Thanks to the jackass riding there ass he slammed on the brakes, but there was no room to stop except through the cars bumper.

The first thing Brian Kinney heard was sirens going off in the distance. It was then that he realized that breathing was getting hard to do. "Justin…" he breathily shouted, the airbag had deflated and he turned his head to see Justin slumped over in his seat.

Blood was on Brian's hand as he reached out, he was pretty sure his shoulder was dislocated on the left side it felt similar to when he broke his clavicle. His jacket was ripped up the side and it didn't matter all that mattered was that Justin wasn't awake. Glass dusted Justin's jacket, there was a gurgling sound he knew it was blood, it wasn't coming from Justin. He remembered his eyes tunneling and the last thing he saw was Justin dusted in glass slumped over in the passenger seat.

"Sir can you hear me?" Summer asked as she assed her patient for dilated eyes.

"Mffrhmm," Brian said from behind the oxygen mask strapped to his face. _Where was Justin, and who the fuck was the prick with the flashlight in his eyes._

"Your wallet says Mr. Brian Kinney, is that your name?" the woman's voices said, she let his eyelids stop being abused by the light she noted the pupils response.

"Yes," Brian struggled to say through the mask, the oxygen was helping but his lungs where still painful. _Where's Justin, he has to be okay, _his eyes where moving under the eyelids, he opened them and the paramedic spotted his alertness.

Summer had been busy wrapping Mr. Kinney's right arm, it had been lacerated with glass, it would have to be cleaned at the hospital.

"Mr. Kinney I want you to stay calm, the man you where with is fine, he suffered some internal bleeding. Where just bandaging him and trying to get your breathing under control then where going to get you both in the ambulance."

Justin was in his peripheral vision he was on an ambulance while a man in his forties wrapped gauze around Justin's midsection. It worried Brian it might mean that he could loose him.

"Justin," Brian choked out and Summer took notice as he moved his left hand to her partner working to pressure gauze the passenger named Justin Taylor.

"He's going to be alright we're going to load you and him now." Summer pacified to the man under her care. "I need to help Ted move Justin into the ambulance and then we are going to get you in."

The paramedic left him for a minute while the driver watched his vitals. Brian could see them load Justin into the ambulance his face was bloody, it reminded him of a similar ambulance ride where he had to deal with a bloody scarf. He didn't want to go through that again. Before he knew it Summer was wheeling him in and sitting in a chair by his head yelling at the driver to get going, while Ted climbed in the front. He reached over with his bandaged hand and touched Justin's arm it wrapped around his fingers, it wasn't strong but it dispelled the worry he felt, because Justin was awake and hadn't held his hand when he was bashed.

Justin had never responded to his pleas when he asked him to wake in the parking garage or the ambulance. He had said "I'm his partner," when they had told him to follow in the car and wouldn't allow him in until he had shouted that. Justin had never stirred. Now thought he heard the sirens run to the hospital and Summer talking to him but his last thought was of Justin when he passed out from not being able to breathe.

Summer was watching him and saw the pulse oxygen ratio drop in Brian, she couldn't intubate unless she wanted to flood his stomach with air the glass was sticking out of him. She heard the doors open and looked up to see the eager Dr. Monterrey and Dr. Bender, good hands she knew they where in good hands.

""""

Thank you for your time and if you see any glaring errors tell me but don't flame me also I have petitioned some betas so if you see minor changes then that means I have a beta YAY! Cross your fingers I find one who will work with this story.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 The Family and their worries.

The hospital had called the emergencies contacts of Justin Taylor and Brian Kinney, and eventually everyone had come out. Everyone had meant Justin's mom and his little sister Molly, Deb, Michael, Lindsey, Mel, Ted, Emmett, Ben, and Hunter coming out to hear the doctor informing them of what a drunk driver and a tailgater had done to their loved ones. The drunk driver had died at the scene and the, the tailgater was being questioned by the police about the accident.

Dr. Bender was informing the family of Justin Taylor, per Mrs. Taylor's according to Micheal his second proxy, as Justin was in the hospital, Dr. Monterrey could inform them about Brian Kinney.

"Justin had internal bleeding in his intestine when the seat belt held him place, we fixed that laparoscopically He has some bruising to his arms and legs as well and a few scrapes from the glass. Other than that he should be fine, he was very lucky it could have been much worse." Dr. Bender said to the small group that obviously cared about the young man they referred to as Sunshine.

"When can we see him," Jennifer asked the doctor as she held her daughter's hand.

"You can see him two at a time if you want to we can take you there as soon as we discuss Brian Kinney or you can go now," Dr, Bender stated to Jenifer.

"No I want to know what's happening with Brian when Justin asks about him," Jennifer responded back as the other doctor opened a file.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Monterrey and I'm the resident that was charged with informing you that…"

"Just get the fuck on with it," Deb interrupted and then apologized, "sorry its just that I've known him for so long, can you please just tell us if he's alright."

"Sorry for the suspense I didn't mean to," and then feeling like the orange haired woman would interrupt rushed on to Brian Kinney's diagnoses. "Mr. Kinney will be in a medically induced coma once he is out of surgery for repairing his lungs." He heard the woman and a young black haired man swear, "for now he is on a ventilator as glass landed on the air bag and ending up stabbing his lung, it also broke two of his ribs causing him to have a hemothorax. He has the ventilator to help his breathing because he's not breathing on his own that well. He has a slight head laceration that required 6 stitches. He also has a dislocated left shoulder and a completely lacerated right arm that all together needed 78 stitches." Dr. Monterrey told them as he flipped the chart close.

He looked up to see the entire family looking very scared, maybe because he hadn't told them he wouldn't be able to leave for a month.

"I don't get it how does Brian get off so bad?" Michael asks no one in particular.

"He took most of the collision the cars that hit them where both front end and rear collisions. He was the driver but the bag deployed didn't deploy on the driver's side until after the second collision," a young paramedic by the name of Summer informed them. She had been waiting on new of her patients hoping they where okay especially since she had never seen such a terrible scene on Liberty Avenue.

Michael had heard the news and the wait for the surgery to fix Brian's lungs, Ben and Hunter had worried faces but only Michael had tear's in his eyes. A nurse would flit through a door and then he would look up and see them disappear with his hope of news, it was like no one would tell him. It would play with his emotions swing him towards hope and then back to where he was before the unknown. One time a nurse came out with blood on her shoes and blood on her scrub top made him think Brian was dead or bleeding out in a corner of the hospital.

"He'll be okay," Hunter tried to reassure his dad.

"I know, he's Brian Fucking Kinney for fucks sake…I just can't shut my worrying Italian side off, I'm part drag queen too, god I wish they would just tell us something."

"Hey its okay no news is good news," Ben convinced his husband and continued to put that strong hand around Michael's shoulders.

"I know it's just hard the waiting is killing me," Michael announced to his husband and son.

"Well Brian can never do things quietly so we know that even if he's hurt, I guess he never does that normal to." Lindsay pointed out to the family across from her and Mel.

They where sitting in the surgical waiting room waiting for news on Brian, Deb and Justin's mom had gone about an hour ago to his room. Jen had sent Molly home, she had school in the morning and if she didn't want to she didn't have to go her mom had promised. Tucker had promised he would take care of Molly whatever she chose and that if she herself needed a ride he would come and get her.

Right now the clock had ticked hours by and it was now 6 in the morning, it had been 3 when Brian and Justin left and 4 when they got the call. Emmet was talking in the corner with Ted the two just trying to figure out why this happened.

"If we just asked them for another drink maybe they could have avoided that drunk driver."

"Do you really think Brian would have stayed with Justin being in New York after a month of not seeing each other except through Skype," Ted said in his usual way.

"No and sunshine was about ready to paw through Brian's clothes," Emmett retorted.

"I'm just surprised they didn't just go to the renovated back room, KinnetiK just got the last of the insurance money from the fire," Ted said to Emmett.

"God their first weekend together in a month and they have to deal with this," Hunter unexpectedly shouted to the people around them it was just them after all in the surgical waiting room.

"Brian Kinney family," announced a man in a scrub cap, it was Dr. Robot again.

"Yes we're here," Lindsay said to Dr. Monterey and everyone stood with her and walked to where the doctor was standing. She wiped away tears that had fallen hours ago and laced her hand with Mel needing the strength. Gus and JR had been left with their friend and they where only supposed to be here for the week and now at the beginning of their weekend this had happened.

"I wanted to say, that son of a bitch you call a friend is one hell of a fighter," Dr. Monterey said and noticed some worry leave the family he met 2 hours ago.

"That's in an understatement," Mel said breaking some of the tension.

"So he's in recovery?"

"Yes, we have him in the medically induced coma, he's in the ICU where not out of the woods but now we just wait to see if an infection will set in or not. When he is through the night then we should will start getting him to trigger the vent."

"Can we see him," Michael asked the Dr. Monterey, maybe he wasn't so much a robot anymore.

"In a bit we want to get him settled out of the recovery room, but if you really want to see him you can go for a few minutes," Dr. Monterey conceded after seeing all of their faces.

"WE want to see him." Michael and Lindsay announced followed by vigorous shaking of the head from the rest of the family.

"Okay I'll be back in a minute, I'm just going to check with the nurse f their ready you'll mostly have to go in by pairs," Dr. Monterey said as he disappeared back to the doors that nurses and staff had been coming and going out of all day.

**^&^&Flashback to Brian's surgery**

The light's shown an iodine covered taught stomach it was sliced open a piece of glass in the tweezers of Dr. Monterey's hand.

"We have the foreign body people," Dr. Monterey said it was his first solo surgery today. It had been a slow day until this accident came to their hospital and removed any plans of taking a small nap in the on-call room.

"Let's get the oxygen up, I don't want him bottoming out and lets put another unit of blood on the rapid infuser." Another surgeon said he was below Dr. Monterey a 3rd year resident.

Dr. Monterey drilled through breastbone to get to the lungs, he then spread them to get to stitching the left lung. The surgery nurse was giving scissors and gauze to the doctors. The anesthesiologist was looking at the oxygen tube and glad to see that his patient didn't look in pain he noticed rapid eye movement the guy was probably dreaming.

He moved to the pulse ox it was in the 60's he didn't like that it was way to low anything between 80 and 100 was good. He allowed more oxygen to be saturated. They couldn't cauterize the wound because the oxygen was on and the oxygen would ignite the patient. The surgeon would have to do a running stitch and pray the guy didn't bleed out before they where done.

Dr. Monterey was finishing a stitch on another puncture wound with the left lung while another surgeon worked to secure the glass puncture wound. They had one more stab to secure and then could close him up. _You had better have a damn good reason to live because I don't see how anyone could survive this._

"I need more suction," Dr. Monterey said from where he was over the stitches. Their was a chest tube in the patient and it was taking care of the hemothorax, for the moment. The blood was being taken out but it was making him anemic.

There was an alarm going off in the room and all the doctors looked at the patient they literally saw the heart go into v-fib. "Get me the internal paddles," Dr. Monterey shouted to the circulatory nurse, she didn't hesitate instead she just did what she had been asked.

"Charge to 150," he waited got the head nod in time to see the anesthesiologist switch to an ambo bag, and shouted, "clear!"

"We have no change," the anesthesiologist said to the room at large the other surgeon started to do internal compression.

"Charge to 200 and prep epi I don't want to push it just yet," the nurse nodded again and he looked to the monitor as he shouted "clear!"

"Still no change where going on a minute Dr. Monterey," the other surgeon said to Dr. Monterey

"Come on Mr. Kinney what happened to that reason for living," Dr. Monterey said under his breath or maybe to the patient. "give him the amp of epi charge to 250."

He gave the epi a second in the bloodstream when he saw the cardiac massage and then got the go ahead from the nurse, "clear!" there was silence in the room and then a wonderful noise of beeping.

"We have him," the anesthesiologist said to the room at large, making everyone breathe a little easier after the code was done. The anesthesiologist re-hooked his patient to the ventilator and watched the stats return to as normal as could be expected from the day's events.

"Okay people let's not loose him again I want this done within the hour," Dr. Monterey said to the room a large. Sometimes the surgery was harder on the patient then the thing that ailed them to begin with.

He needed to fix this last stitch and then they could close him and send him to recovery for the very needed medically induced coma his lungs needed to heal. The surgeon he was partnering with, who the fuck knew his name was, was doing his last stitch they finished and where going to have to rewire the sternum shut. This was going to make walking hurt and being in a car; it was worth it though he was alive.

"Let give him the zipper," said Dr. Monterrey as he twisted the last of the wire to connect the sternum to the ribs that weren't broken because of the car crash. It would hurt more but he would have to wrap the chest because the ribs were broken. Within a 10 minutes period the 'zipper' as many heart surgery patients called it. Was complete this would be a scar that wouldn't disappear for a while and the plastic surgeon was almost ready to come in but he whispered to the nurse to tell him to go away.

The right arm had been completely torn up but Mr. Kinney needed to heal for a few more days before he could deal with more surgery. He needed to have that fixed but for now, he needed to survive the first 48 hours.

"Okay we'll wheel him out and then I'll go speak to the family," Dr. Monterey said to the surgical team.

^*^ **Back to present**

A few minutes after telling the family of Brian Kinney he went to the nurses desk and informed them that Mr. Kinney would be getting visitors for short periods in pairs. He got no complaint from the head nurse and went back to get the family so that he could bring them back to the ICU.

"I'll take you back two at a time I just want to prepare you before you see him then the first pair can go back and see him." Dr. Monterey announced to the family, "He is not going to look okay but the gown will cover his chest and the bandages. He has a tube down his throat to help him breathe and their is a tube coming from the right side it has blood going through it, this is a chest tube it help deal with a hemothorax."

He stopped and waited for this to sink he a little before he continued, "there is a bandage that is wrapped around his head it cover's the stitches." He noticed the man with the black hair gasp after all this news was being taken in and yet he wasn't done. "There are IV one is blood, one is antibiotics, and the last one is an electrolyte. The last thing you need to know is that left arm is in a sling for the dislocation the right is bandaged and we would like you not to touch it because it is tightly packed."

"Can we see him…now," the raven haired man choked out.

"Yes I can take the first pair," he said as he turned and made a hand gesture to say 'come with me' as Michael and Ben followed.

Mel and Lindsey would see Brian next. Michael would have gone with Lindsay at the same time except they couldn't even stand up right without their spouse after hearing about Brian they couldn't imagine if they had seen him without their anchors.

"Please you have to understand this is helping him," Dr. Monterey assured the pair as he went away.

"I knew you always did things big, but really you need to stop…I can't do this god I can't just joke while your lying here in a bed with a tube down your throat for fuck sake," Michael announced to Brian in the bed, he got no reaction except the tightening of Ben's hand in his.

"Brian you'd better wake-up soon or Zephyrs might kill you with his death stare," Ben said to Brain and got a sobbing chuckle from Michael. He held his husband close to him as he saw the man asleep in the bed machines keeping him alive.

Lindsay went to the room with Mel holding her hand next, "Gus doesn't know your hear yet though I'm pretty sure he'll figure out soon enough when you don't come and pick him up tomorrow to spend time with him and Justin at the zoo. He's smart as a 7 year old but, I'll tell him tomorrow and then I'll bring him next week when you wake up and maybe later you'll take him. Okay?" She bent over the bed and kissed his cheek, "Peter pan never gets hurt so this came as a shock." Lindsey admitted to the unconscious Brian. She squeezed Mel's wedding band clasped hand and remembered thinking that this was supposed to be a fun 2 week trip during the summer for Gus and JR. Brian had paid for them to come to the Pits, not a trip to the hospital they were supposed to do breeder things these 2 weeks.

"I don't like to see her cry so you better get better soon otherwise I'll have to admit that another Dike likes you to." Melanie half joked and half admitted to Brian. She knew Brian would have a smart remark except there was none just a whoosh and a beep of machines.

"Can I take the next pair back in a second we have to administer his next medication round," Dr. Monterrey informed them as he went back to his patient without regard to Emmet and Ted.

"It's okay we can see him in a second," Ted pacified the tear stained face of Emmett.

"Hunter are you sure you don't want to see him," Michael asked of the boy who was a son to him.

"I'm sure I've seen some messed up stuff in my old life and I don't want to ruin it just yet I'll wait a little bit until he gets better," Hunter reaffirmed to his two dads.

"Okay we'll bring you back when he's out of the coma maybe when he can answer that smart mouth of yours with his own," Ben joked to lighten the situation but only caused everyone to feel a little happy then sad at their friend who couldn't even open his eyes.

"Remember the time Michael and Brian went to Babylon and Michael was so drunk he ended up in the backroom with that twink and ended up walking into the wall. Brian ended up getting a blowjob from the guy and then took Michael to the emergency room for his broken nose," Emmett reminisced only to get a thanks from Michael and a sorrowful chuckle from the rest of the family.

"I can take back the next pair now," Dr. Monterey said to the group assembled for Mr. Kinney. He had seen many families come together for may people over the years but these people must have really loved him.

Emmett and Ted followed the doctor to the bed that was occupied by Brian. They held on tighter in their friendship and former lover embrace. Ted wanted to say something but all he could think was what Brian would have said to him, _don't just stand their you old queen say something Theodore._

"You survived cancer so you better survive this boss and don't worry I'll mind the shop until you get back," Ted eventually said after he was done with being berated by his own inner Brian.

Emmett had a similar thought go through his head in Brian's voice _Put your tongue in your mouth and just take the plunge you fairy._

"You better get better because the thumpa thumpa doesn't sound as thumpa thumpa without you and the glitter doesn't seem to sparkle as bright sweetie," Emmet admitted to Brian.

""""""

Thank you for your time and if you see any glaring errors tell me but don't flame.


	3. Chapter 3

WARNING: This chapter is the reason for the mature rating it's not pertinent but it's typical of a QAF scene between Brian and Justin.

Chapter 3 Dreams of the crash.

"Justin?" Brian asked as they slowly danced in a dream like state to the center of the ball room.

"Yeah," Justin lazily answered back to his boyfriend. Or at least that's what Brian let him say if no one was around and it was once in a while, partner and lover had been more allowed ever since a lot of things had been quieter.

"Can we go now, this is ridiculously romantic and it's filled my quota for the month," Brain said as he rolled in his lips and pulled Justin closer to him.

"Okay as long as I remember it this time," Justin said and then kissed Brian sensually, slowly, and in an enticing way for what was to come.

They breached the kiss and Justin looked up into Brain's eyes, he stared until his eyes watered and he had to blinked. When he opened them again he was staring at Brian but there was this gash and it was spreading from his head and pouring down. It was staining the tux and staining the floor. Blood was everywhere and Brian was becoming pale and he was becoming almost translucent.

"Brian!" Justin screamed and he was reaching for him clawing at thin air now trying to grab hold of a non-existent Brain.

"Brian!" he shouted again trying to get to his boyfriend he wanted him here not anywhere but here. He was seeing spots, slowly realizing he was having a panic attack. Only Brian could help him with that right now and right now he couldn't find his Brian. It was like an endless cycle he was having a having a panic attack because he couldn't have Brian and Brian would normally end it, he was dying it felt like.

When Justin woke up he had a raging pain in his stomach, and there was this insistent beeping. It reminded him of the heart monitor he had been stuck with after the bashing. _Oh god did I get bashed again? Wait no…there had been a car that had pulled out of the intersection when they where going home and the car front ended us…Oh God Brian!_

"Brian." He whispered to the room noticing of for the first time that someone was sitting in the chair next to him, it hadn't been Brian he had seen Brian get hit and smash his head against the window and pass out. Wait no that had been him, he had passed out, Brian had been asking him to wake up.

"It's okay Justin Brian is in surgery right now, they just had to repair his lungs son, he'll be alright. Don't move I'll get a nurse," his mom said from the chair next to him, she reached over and pushed a button revealing another chair behind her. The figure was in shadow but he always recognized Deb with her crazy hair.

A young nurse came in then and checked his vitals making the blood pressure cuff tighten around his already bruised arm, and then flashed a light in his face telling him he could have morphine for his post operative pain. It dulled his senses, made him fuzzy, and made his pain in his heart at not seeing Brian go away.

Dreaming is for people who like to sleep. I'd rather be awake and fucking. The funny thing was he was doing 2 of those things, he wasn't awake but he was dreaming and even better he was fucking. Justin was in his arms while he took him from behind a memory of when he was 31 and Justin was 20, he had grabbed his hand with Justin's right hand he pulled on his cock. The same tempo that Brian was using as he pushed his hips against Justin's prostate making Justin mew and groan.

"I like it when you cry out because of my rock hard dick enjoying your ass," Brian breathed in Justin's ear. Justin gave a breathy laugh as he felt Brian's breath against his ear.

"I like it when you ride me too," Justin pushed back against Brian hip's as he took himself out of the hilt only to ease himself in again it was gentle and all the time viscous for Brain to do. He was grinding against Justin's prostate not expecting his sunshine to take much more and he knew that if he bit on Justin's ear in a teasing manner it would send him over the edge, begging for more as soon as they where done. He felt his sunshine tightening around him and knew he was coming, the tightening milked his own cock. He was over the edge when Justin came and felt the condom fill. Justin pulled their faces together and gave a kiss that was somewhat passion and sweetness.

One of the few times Brian had pulled his arm over Justin after disposing of the condom and hugged him to his body. He had made the effort to cuddle and it was nice with Justin. Only with Justin his partner did he fucking cuddle like this their bodies close he would intertwine their fingers, their skin craving touch even after the amazing sex set their skin ablaze. He nuzzled Justin's neck and Justin would hum, he liked when Justin was vocal. Brian fell asleep with Justin right next to his body his skin with Justin's, touching all of him.

Dreaming is for people who like to sleep. I'd rather be awake and fucking. The funny thing was he was doing 2 of those things, he wasn't awake but he was dreaming and even better he was fucking. Justin was in his arms while he took him from behind a memory of when he was 31 and Justin was 20, he had grabbed his hand with Justin's right hand he pulled on his cock. The same tempo that Brian was using as he pushed his hips against Justin's prostate making Justin mew and groan.

"I like it when you cry out because of my rock hard dick enjoying your ass," Brian breathed in Justin's ear. Justin gave a breathy laugh as he felt Brian's breath against his ear.

"I like it when you ride me too," Justin pushed back against Brian hips as he took himself out of the hilt only to ease himself again it was gentle and all the time viscous for Brain to do. He was grinding against Justin's prostate not expecting his sunshine to take much more and he knew that if he bit on Justin's ear in a teasing manner it would send him over the edge, begging for more as soon as they where done. He felt his sunshine tightening around him and knew he was coming, the tightening milked his own cock. He was over the edge when Justin came and felt the condom fill. Justin pulled their faces together and gave a kiss that was somewhat passion and sweetness.

One of the few times Brian had pulled his arm over Justin after disposing of the condom and hugged him to his body. He had made the effort to cuddle and it was nice with Justin. Only with Justin his partner, did he fucking cuddle like this their bodies close he would intertwine their fingers, their skin craving touch even after the amazing sex had set their skin ablaze. He nuzzled Justin's neck and Justin would hum, he liked when Justin was vocal. Brian fell asleep with Justin right next to his body his skin with Justin's, touching all of him.

Thank you for your time and if you love this story review it and don't flame just tell me where the error is.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 A week later at the hospital

"Can I see Brian now," Justin pleaded from his wheelchair as his mother pushed him toward the elevator. His mom had promised him after the second time he woke and asked to see Brian that as soon as he got out of the hospital he could see Brian.

"Yes we are going to go see your sweet boyfriend. We just need to go to the ICU your doctors just didn't want you to see each other until he wasn't in the medicated whatever. Besides he couldn't have even known you where there," Justin shot her a look so she carried on with her statement, "but I still want to see him even if he was just a doll, I wanted the same when you were in a coma after the bashing," his mother announced to the elevator and to her son.

"I know mom I just really wanted to see him," Justin commented allowed. The Vicodin was helping his pain and the stitches where itchy as fuck but as soon as he heard that ding and the door open to the ICU Justin stopped caring about all that.

"Just remember what Dr. Monterrey said to you he might be really sluggish or still sleeping. He was just taken off the drugs this morning he still has that tube in him so they have him on Valium so he won't pull it out." She wanted to curse, she was just so mad and scared by this whole situation of both her boy's being hurt. Yes she thought her boy's as both Justin and Brian, ever since the wedding even though it had been called off.

"Yes I know...I just want to see him for an hour and then we can go home, did you bring the book?"

"Yes I brought the book do you think it disappeared since the last time you asked me?" his mom answered as she wheeled Justin onto the ICU. "You know I started reading Peter Pan the original story to him and then I thought better of it and bought some Ayn Rand and _1984 _just for Brian I think you should start with _Anthem_ or _1984_," his mom commented to him.

"I know you read to him while he was asleep, but did you really read him Peter Pan after Lindsay said he was her Peter Pan because he never grew up." Justin unbelievably asked of his mother after learning why she had been late one day during the week. He had found out that she had visited Brian once he was allowed visitors on Friday after the plastic surgery on his arm was done and he was past the point of being able to fight off infections.

"Yes I did read it to him then I fell asleep, they say he sometimes shows sign of dreaming, he moves his eyes they call it REM or rapid eye something or other," she shrugged off with a flourish of her hand as she went to room 486.

"I know what he was dreaming of," Justin smiled knowingly, his mom handed him the bag of books and opened the door for him. She let him go in by his self only because she knew how much Brian loved his privacy and how much he loved her son. That's why she had read to her boy's boy.

Justin wheeled his way to the bed and saw Brian hooked up to all these machines he wanted to kiss his boyfriend but there was a tube in the way. It made him angry and it reminded him of all the fear that he had when he woke up on Tuesday the complete fear. Brian still looked like shit, it reminded Justin of the time Brian had a hard time after radiation treatment. He had actually let Justin help him to the bathroom to throw-up. It strengthened their relationship for a while made Brian want to change enough to get married.

"So they tell me you're doing better I think that means you can open those eyes for me soon." Justin spoke softly to his lover he didn't want to wake him but another part of him wanted to wake him up and say, 'Brian Kinney I love you so you better not pull any shit when you wake up.'

There was movement in the bed like Brian was searching for the voice to continue when it had stopped talking. "I love it when you look at me with those hazel eyes," the body lay still again only to move again when Justin stopped talking.

"So I brought some books for me to read to you I got some Ayn Rand but I think I should start with 1984, though I know that you love your Russian literature. Sorry there are no high saturated fats for us to enjoy." Justin reminisced from the time he had gone to Hollywood and talked to Brian on the phone.

Justin reached out touch Brian, he hesitated for a moment and felt his hand want to jump back when he felt tension in his lover's hips, until he spoke again and Brian seemed to melt into his voice. "I think I'll start with Anthem I can finish it in two visits maybe then you'll show me those beautiful eyes." Justin said as he placed his hand on his lover's hip and opened the first page of _Anthem_ by Ayn Rand.

"It is a sin to write this. It is a sin to think words no other think and to put them down upon a paper no others are to see. It is base and evil." Justin quoted in the almost silent room except for the whoosh of the invading ventilator or the beeping of the machine it was peaceful. He continued to read the story and Brian seemed to moved his head towards the sweet voice of his lover.

Brian had held Justin in his arm and then he had left and come back with a book from out of nowhere maybe the small bookshelf in the workspace. It was sweet of him, the fucking romantic in his little sunshine. Now that Brian was in his smreddsn thirties and Justin was his only except the occasional one nightstand, he was after all Brian Kinney and they where not a pair of dykes. He would often go to New York or Justin would come home to dreary Pittsburgh for Brian they would often hold up in the loft not letting go of each other for hours.

The thing was, for the past month neither of them had been able to get away for Brian, it had been a new ad campaign and for, Justin it had been a new gallery contract. But Brian didn't care about any of that instead he looked at Justin. Brain was draped over his bed and Justin had a hand on his hip to brace himself upright to read the book. Brian turned and listened with his whole body to _Anthem._ He hadn't heard that story in a long time, thank god Sunshine was reading he felt to tired to even fuck it was the post coital bliss or with a little twinge love for the man that didn't make him snatch the book out of his hand and pull him down for sleep.

Justin already knew how much he loved him he had even said more than those 3 times after the club exploded. It was nice to know someone who saw through your bullshit and just saw what you actually meant.

He listened to Justin it took away the worry that settled there when he first saw Justin in the car. Justin sitting there next to him reassured him that his lover was fine. He was lulled by the blonds smooth voice and drifted off by page 18. It had all been some terrible nightmare, he had woken up here in the loft with Justin embracing him, and then it had gone to fucking.

"We were born with a curse. It has always driven us to thoughts which are forbidden. It has always given us wishes, which men may not wish. We know that we are evil, but there is no will in us and no power to resist it. This is our wonder and our secret fear that we do not resist." Justin gently spoke as he felt under his hand Brian drift off he knew he was dreaming now and would soon have to go.

He would leave Brian to the hospitals capable hands only for now, if he would anything to say about it. Justin wheeled himself out of the room but only after sneaking a kiss to Brian cheek. It was similar to the small one he often placed on Brian's lips before he was falling asleep in Brian's arm. Sometimes they would cuddle though they wouldn't admit that, that was what they we're doing.

His mom met him and where to the elevator when Dr. Monterey checked on the man in 486.

"Brian I hope we're feeling better today," he paused not expecting to get an answer there was a ventilator in the way of their conversation. "I'm going to lower the vent again so you have to work harder to trigger it. Hopefully it will be gone by Wednesday we have big plans for you," he whispered so as not to disturb his patient.

Dr. Monterey saw a slight smile on Brian's face and thought maybe that the young man who had been in that car accident with him was the reason for Brian to stay alive on that operating table. He evaluated his patients left shoulder placed it into the immobilizer it would take pressure off his patient's chest that was probably hurting worse because of the wire that was now stuck in this man's chest.

He could at least take assurance that the man could get the immobilizer gone within the next week and the stitches where unbandaged now and it was officially 5 days since the plastic surgery, some of the theses could come out. He pulled up a chair and brought over the suture kit he put out in the hall. He was just glad it was the arm stitches left. The face ones had gone away during the medicated coma, that was a freaky day, he knew that his patient wouldn't wake it was just that he had to stare at the face as he pulled out stitches almost expecting him to stare back. _That must be how morticians felt when they took care of the dead, afraid to trigger the Lazarus reflex._

"Mr. Kinney if you can hear me I'm going to start taking out some stitches from your arm I don't want you to panic but this isn't going to hurt I just wanted to tell you what is happening now." Dr. Monterey informed Brian he might have been sleeping, he just didn't want to shock him into seeing a man sitting there pulling things from his arm, now that would be freaky. He started to hum an old song while he worked it was just two songs the first being "Cry me a River" and the second being "Am I Blue" both old favorites from when his grandmother would mess with her old ventrolla.

He was going for over an hour when he looked up to see a stare that looked somewhat patient and annoyed, yet wondering who this person was. "I'm Dr. Monterey do you remember me Mr. Kinney?" as soon as he asked that question he felt stupid. "I want you to blink once for yes and twice for no."

Brian blinked twice; he did remember someone interrupting his dreams of Justin in his bed safely away at the old loft tightly in his embrace. He woke up when the picking at his arm like small scratches kept bugging him and ended up making him realize it was a dream. That had been a shock in itself it had all come back the car crash, the pleading for Justin to be okay, the fact that he hadn't been able to breathe.

He had stepped out of the bed finding their was this insistent smell like the hospital he had stayed in when he was supposedly in Ibiza. There was a difference though it felt like someone had encased him lead and then decided it would be fun to stick him through a magnet. A whooshing sound annoying him and heard the beep of a heart monitor that he did not miss from staying in a hospital. He fetched his eyes on the tube sticking out of his throat and was quite amazed at how relaxed he felt _must be the drugs_ _because no one had bought him dinner before this._

"Do you remember that you where in an accident," Dr. Monterey asked as he finished pulling a final stitch and removed his hands the rest would have to stay in there where only 10 more from the original 78. They where deeper than the rest and had to be specially stitched with some such not that he should remember but he wanted to be a pulmonary or cardiothoracic surgeon not plastic. He looked at those eyes and got 3 blinks instead of one or two. "Does that mean that you are confused," one blink.

Dr. Monterey took off his gloves and retrieved Brian's admission statement from the bedside table. "It says that you where hit by two cars a drunk driver was the first one and the second was a person that couldn't stop in time." He looked up and got an understanding face or what he hoped was an understanding one. "Are you still confused?" a blink again for yes. "Do you remember bits and pieces," a second blink for yes. "Do you want me to inform you of everything?" there was almost a defiant yes like no one could stop Brian from hearing about it.

"You and a young man named Justin Taylor who I have been informed is your boyfriend and that he has been released today. He should be fine," he paused there because he saw this relief flood Brian's face like he thought something worse had happened, "You took most of the impact your airbag didn't deploy according to witness until the second hit." He looked confused at that, "that why you're the worse of the accident you see Brian your airbag did deploy but it hit your chest with a piece of glass on it. You hit your left side on the window it completely dislocated your left shoulder and gave you some stitches though the plastic surgeon assures me that there won't be a scare and for what he gets paid he would never give false hope." Dr Monterey was not done but he wanted to let that sink in for Brian, "Your family was all here," Brian seemed surprised at that. "In fact a very wide red headed woman told me to quit with the suspense and get on with it already I believe where here words," Brian didn't seem surprised at that instead just a little smug.

"I guess your surprised by the family visit but not surprised by their attitude," their was one blink in the affirmative, "should I continue there's only some more news," a single blink to go on.

"You had glass up an down your right arm should be no scaring or minimal scaring at the worst," he pulled up a sleeve and showed a spot on his clavicle the last vestige of a very bad open fracture when he was 20 it was covered by a tattoo. "some people like me get tattoo's to cover scars but then there are those people who think scars are hot," he shrugged as he pulled his collar right, noticing Brian's eye mentally size him up like he would devour him.

"I know that I'm hot but I'm a gift to women not men," Dr. Monterey announced only to get an eye roll from Brian. He decided then and there that this man was his type of people a smug ass to people but the heart of gold well hidden just like him. He was only ever nice to his patients and even then not much to their families. "When you where stabbed with the glasses your lungs basically flooded with blood and the left deflated. We took out the blood we should take out the tube on Wednesday maybe tomorrow based on your oxygen saturation." He said truthfully, "Your chest is going to hurt like a son of a bitch because your sternum is wired shut. It's safe it will be there permanently now the ribs are bandaged for the sternum its just tighter than normal because of two broken ribs." To this, he got a bit of a worried reaction from Mr. Kinney.

"Please don't worry we can talk about all this when the ventilator is taken away it's been a long day I'm going to up your Valium to get you to sleep you need it and from what I hear a lot of people are coming to see you at 5 it's only 1." Dr. Monterey informed his patient as he scribbled the order to give Brian another sedative when the nurse came in. "Don't worry you can be a 'smug jackass' to me when we get you off the ventilator which might be tomorrow."

Dr. Monterey closed the chart and handed it to the nurse who was coming in the only one who understood him a blonde-haired woman named Jessica, his love. She saw the order's and filled them, pushing the syringe and making the worry confused Brian's brain muddled to the point that it was no longer thinking. He disappeared back into his dreams of Justin and him in the loft.

Thank you for your time by reading my baby, don't burn it to a crisp with flames just tell me if you see an error.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Wednesday a welcome gift

"Brian can you hear me?" Justin asked it was 2 in the afternoon and he was feeling better his mom had been slightly annoyed that he wanted to go back to the hospital but he really was better today. There was less pain and the only annoyance besides Brian deciding to sleep when he was here was the itchiness of the stitches that should disappear within the week or next according to his doctor.

There was a flickering of eyes from the man in the bed it was the best sight he had ever seen according Justin, the brown green eyes he loved where staring back at him. He looked tired but was happy to see Sunshine. "I love you," Justin spoke as he raised himself from his chair and kissed Brian's cheek and then pressed his forehead to Brian's in a connecting and grounding way.

Brian would have said it back but right now he could settle for being taken out of his light sleep and seeing Justin kiss him. He was not one for romance but at that moment he didn't mind, he could show his smirk later. It was like they where in their honeymoon phase again and he hoped their wouldn't be a storm yet. He felt a little loss at Justin giving a small kiss again and then sitting down. He grabbed Justin's hand though when he saw it near his hip. He felt like screaming with joy at seeing his Sunshine looking better, replacing the memory of a bloody Justin. He knew he looked like shit, but Justin and Mikey kept saying it didn't matter, so for right now he chose to believe them.

"Mr. Kinney I see your up," Dr. Monterey announced from the door and Jessica came in after him. "Yes today is the day you get that tube out so don't worry you can talk in a second, Jessica can you get some ice chips and a kit."

"Yes Alex," she said to him as she disappeared behind the door again.

"Your saying he could get it out today and then be talking to me in a while?" Justin tentatively asked the Doctor.

"Yes," Dr. Monterey nodded to Brian.

"And you didn't tell me," Justin joked to Brian to which he got an eye roll from Brian and a squeeze of the hand.

"Would you mind stepping out into hall Mr. Taylor?" Dr. Monterey asked when he saw Jessica return with the ice chips and a sealed package. He saw Brian stare at him and blink twice 'No' it was a defiant like saying he could stay so he asked. "Would you like to stay?"

"He promised he wouldn't hide anything from me anymore once he was done with the cancer," Justin answered for Brian. To which Brian gave a single blink as if to confirm this and answer Dr. Monterey unasked question.

"Okay you can stay," Dr. Monterey said he only conceded in the hopes that Justin's presence would keep Brian calm.

"Thank you," Justin said as he stood up and kept in Brians eye line. He wanted to hold his hand but the doctor had asked him to stay out of the way and keep Brian calm if he was going to stay.

"Brian I need you to look ahead toward Justin and focus on coughing for me when you feel the balloon deflate. Then Jessica is going to shut off the machine and we are going to pull out the tube." Dr. Monterey had already tried this yesterday only to find that oxygen saturation was going past 90 and Dr. Monterey ended up putting him back on the machine before even pulling out the tube. "Just like yesterday but this time where going to have the tube come out okay," he put the syringe to the ET tube and pulled out the air in the balloon. He nodded to nurse and Jessica and saw Brian slightly panic until he focused on Sunshine and then Dr. Monterey detached the initial part of the tube from the ET part. He could breathe now he just had to cough to get it out.

"Okay I want you to take as deep a breath as you can and blow like you have a birthday candle and then start coughing when you can't breathe out anymore." Dr. Monterey said as he took out the deflated balloon. There was a slow deliberate sucking of air and then Dr. Monterey heard a blowing sound as he pulled out the tube. There was coughing as they neared the end and then pop as it ended.

Brian was still staring at Justin, pain was flaring through his chest something was rubbing against his chest, and it wasn't the gauze. He was sure it felt like a hand was holding a bone in place or maybe it was like wires where twisted around him. He was handed an ice chip and it melted the Sahara in his mouth to a bearable dry mouth when it melted Jessica put another into his mouth.

"Talk about deep throat," he scratchily said to his boyfriend when he could manage to chirp that out. The pain subsided as he stopped heaving and let the pain medication work its magic. He was determined to not let it take him under he wanted time with Justin even though he knew his body wanted to cave he was determined to stay here.

He got a chuckle from Justin as he sidestepped Jessica and kissed him on the mouth it was quick but it was what they needed. Jessica handed her Alex a respirator to put over Mr. Kinney's face. The couple broke apart and he slid it over his patients face much to his annoyance.

"Put it on or I put the tube back in," Dr. Monterey advised.

Brian nodded and looked at Justin's look of happiness. "Why are you so happy Sunshine," Brian smugly asked from behind the mask, it sounded muffled but Justin understood. Dr. Monterey waved goodbye and Jessica left promising to be back in a minute to shave Brain.

"Just glad to see those eyes and hear that voice," Justin declared to Brian.

"I love you, too by the way," Brian admitted he had wanted to say it when Justin said it, but now they where alone.

"I know," Justin giggled to Brian, "I don't like the beard I'm glad you shave every 3 days," Justin admitted as he rubbed a hand over the hair growth.

"You don't like my rugged side." He breathlessly, spoke to his lover, he was god dam tired but he didn't want to give in to sleep just yet. Justin was here and he didn't want him to leave so he raised his right hand and stroked a hand through the blonde hair their. This in itself was an effort, he felt like a week kitten, it was so wrong.

"No I prefer my partner who is this guy who was just a fuck," Justin whispered in Brian's ear. It was a teasing move so he stepped back to the chair taking back the hand and sat down.

"You mean the same jerk who didn't know Mr. Goodfuck," Brian tiredly joked to Justin. "Are you still my stalker Justin?"

"Yes and don't worry, your not to old for me," Justin bantered like when they talked out of Brian's apartment, and the time Brian had told him he was just a fuck and that he didn't want to see him ever again.

Brian groaned at the old comment he had been 29 when he said all that bullshit sure he didn't believe in love, he was damaged. He now just believed in Justin because he had gotten in under the wire with extreme effort all because he thought Brian was worth it. Justin gone through all the bullshit and discovered the well guarded Brian Kinney.

"Hey, I'll read to you," Justin lovingly teases Brian when he quirked an eyebrow at Justin.

"So that wasn't a dream of you reading to me," Brian asked not really comprehending what he had heard when he was in the coma like state.

"No and mom read you Peter Pan before I was released and after I told her about your love for free thinkers she went and bought _Anthem_ and _1984_ for me to read to you. She started reading Peter Pan only because she heard about Lindsey."

"Oh god as long as Lindsay didn't tell her about the story behind it," Brian complained he removed the mask to get more ice chips and Justin gave him a look that said he would scold him if he removed the oxygen mask again.

"Don't pull it off again," Justin warns with his unoccupied hand, he reached for the book in his bag and pulled out a small bear wearing a rainbow vest with a button of PFLAG on it. "This is from Debbie and if you let go of my hand I'll put it where she can see but you can ignore okay."

Brian let go of sunshine's hand he didn't want to see the terrible bear that Deb made there was only so much he could take of his 'mom' and her caring, the bear was kind of pushing it.

Justin grabbed Brian's hand again once he opened the book he had brought he wanted Brian to sleep and knew that the book would probably send him off, he would never tell Brian his plan though. "I'll start on page 18 or I could start it over?"

"No I dreamt that you where reading to me I heard it when I was dreaming, you could use some character voices though," Brian smirked from behind the mask, his boyfriend was such a dyke.

There was a knock on the door and Jessica came in with pink bin in hand and a safety razor. She wore a smile and asked if she could shave Brian now or if she could come back later.

"No go ahead do you mind if I read aloud he was always one for Russian literature." Justin jibed to Brian reminding him of their earlier conversation.

"That's fine I used to have a coma patient that would sing to her fiance, it was a sweet gesture, but she was tone deaf." Jessica admitted to her patients boyfriend.

"Mr. Kinney I'm going to just get rid of the beard first and then I can shave you," Jessica did just that she was fast and only removed the oxygen mask to shave around Brian's mouth for a minute. He was just focusing on Justin's lips as he read the words of Ayn Rand.

"All men are good and wise. It is only we, Equality 7-2521, we alone who where born with a curse. For we are not like our brothers. And as we look back upon our life, we see that it has been thus and that it has brought us step by step to our last supreme transgression, our crime of crimes hidden here under the ground." Justin read as Jessica left the room done with Brian's grooming and listening to Equality 7-2521 story.

Brian was sleeping by the time Justin reached the third chapter and he was glad he didn't want to mention that his mother had called a while ago there had been a message on their machine. It was brief and when his mother had played it for him it had maid his skin crawl, how could Brian ever survived his family, no wonder he had so many issues.

"Brian, its your mother Deb said you where in some accident, I don't think that's funny. If this is some kind of joke this is not funny Brian Vincent Kinney and you better repent if you want to have the lord save you from your suffering." That horrible voice had droned on the machine like a sermon for the better part of the recording. Brian would have been livid and trying to chase out her words, that was how Justin felt and he knew that his 'Unconquered One' was probably going to do just that when he was told. For now he spoke the words of Anthem into the air and focused on Equality 7-2521 or what the Golden one called him 'The Unconquered One' he focused on what Brain would call 'lesbianonic love' but then again he was holding Brain's hand.

""""

Thank you for your time and your support and again if you see any problems don't flame just tell me what you see is grammatically incorrect.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Brian and his thoughts

He hated being weak in front of Justin but having cancer had taken some of his pride when it came to sickness. Justin had been just as good as he when it came to comfort. It was an understanding between them that they took care of each other and just did it no bullshit. They took care of each other, and none of it would ever be out of pity.

The cancer had made Brian want comfort and it had made Justin very good at knowing when he actually said something hurtful and meant it and when he really didn't mean anything hurtful at all. He could see all through his bull shit now and was very good at seeing through masks now, seeing when he wanted a fuck and when he wanted to love and worship his Sunshine.

He held his lover's hand and wanted to say something comforting but right now he could hold on to Justin's hand and listen to him read the words of _Anthem_ and realize that sunshine was like his Golden One. Justin was naive, easily taken in by sweet words, young, able to fit into the world that Equality 7-2521 could not fit in to.

The wrist was slender and it was Sunshine who was idly swiping his thumb over his right hand, it was stitches free as of two days ago and was 'healing nicely' Jessica would say. To the arm that was his left the immobilizer could go away in another few days and then that would make 2 weeks of his stay that he was supposed to have for however long. His mind would not quite shut down it seemed as he made a pained grimace when a breath that was uncontrolled went to deep. _God this is going to be annoying beyond my usual level of irritation, Oh sunshine don't make that worried look._

"I'm fine," he placates and motions for him to continue with his reading. Justin makes a look like only-this-time-will-that-work.

"Alright we where at the part of," his right hand skims down the page, "Equality is disturbed and it's by The Golden One seeing the light," Justin confirms as he reads aloud the chapter.

Brian makes a show of listening by closing his eyes and nodding his head as if agrees with what Ayn Rand had written like it was somehow an argument for something life shattering.

He was drifting off again he was so tired from the drugs it was not like fun drugs more like turning him into a stoned out kitten. He wanted to be his usual self but right now the pain of breathing was making him want to just lay here and have Justin sit there to forge the world.

He was resting when he heard a knock and Deb's voice come through the room. _What could she possibly want. _

"I thought I never see the day where Brian Kinney is on his ass and not enjoying dick," Deb crassly announced to Brian enough to make him stir and look at her. His piercing gaze made her suck in her breath it was a welcome sight of her albeit asshole of an adopted son.

"Nice to see you to," Brian said behind the mask making her look confused until Justin translated what he said to her. She moved closer to his bed then she had that fire in her eyes only held for her lost boys as her now husband had said. Once DOMA had been taken care of there was no problem with gay marriage for a little while in getting Ben and Micheal to get married.

"Oh well it just nice to see that your awake I tell yah I have never been more scared for you," she blearily divulged and then smacked him on the cheek and received a look, "What was that for? That would be for scaring the bejeezus out of everyone when you where in that state."

"It wasn't my decision to do," Brian said after he received a small peck from Deb followed by her trying to get rid of her cheap lipstick from his face.

"I know sweetheart, I just wanted to say that before I admitted I would have missed you to much if you left," Deb said to her lost boy.

Brian tiredly stared at her the unspoken words hung in the air "I'm not going anywhere without a fight and a whole lot of ass."

He breathed in the air and nodded toward Justin he squeezed his hand and motioned to take off the mask and his hand stilled when Justin looked at him.

"I wasn't kidding," Justin ground out from where he sat.

"I'm thirsty," Brian explained like it was obvious to anyone. Justin stood up then and picked up the ice chip spoon he kissed Brian on the nose and scooped the ice chips in his lover's mouth.

"Christ your like honeymooners," Deb announced breaking there romantic moment, "not that I'm complaining its nice to see you all lovey dovey but I'm not the invisible woman."

Justin and Brain looked at Deb like she had just grown two heads they had forgotten she was there, in the room. "Sorry we forgot," Justin admitted to her and Brian smiled because he could laugh.

"I didn't," Brian tried not to chuckle at Justin blushing, and as punishment Justin put the oxygen mask with a smug look when he didn't kiss his lover. Brian pouted then smiled still trying not to laugh, at Justin forgetting Debbie had been watching them be cute. It had been a rare display of how sweet he could be. Like the time Michael Brian and Justin had taken E one night and came to diner the next morning to find Michael barging in on their cute moment. They each had a killer headache except Mikey who proclaimed he had been saved by E-Man. That's the day Michael had said "Would you mind I'm trying to have a conversation with your boyfriend," he hadn't minded he didn't even protest the word. It could have been the headache or it could have been they where being cute and just let it go.

"Why is my Teddy Bear that I sewed just for you in the crook of the corner?" Deb asked when she noticed where Teddy Debbie was placed.

"I asked him to put it there I can only take so much of you," he breathed a little more air and continued, "you know that I can only stand you when your dishing it out." He smiled trying very hard not to seem pitiful though he loved her, he would never admit that he would ever miss her.

"Alright but I made it for you to think of me. I never thought there could never be too much of me in your life," Debbie said as she rolled her eyes.

"Save the guilt trip," Brian said he was to tired for it but he would never admit it. Debbie deflated she took in the appearance of her lost boy and saw how tired he was.

She took in the bandages and the way his left arm was bandaged like a broken wing of a bird. She hadn't until that moment realized how close she had been to losing Brian. This man was her son's best friend and the man who she considered a good man.

"Alright I'll save the guilt trip…for now," Deb pointed out as she placed her stern look on her face. "Get better you little asshole and come by the Diner when you get out."

"Okay." Justin promises for the both of them because Brian would have made a snarky remark.

"Alright you two love birds I'll tell Michael to come by tomorrow and Mel and Lindsay are supposed to bring Gus and JR tomorrow they had to go back last week but they got another flight back Thursday."

"Bye Sunshine and Brian you be nice to him the same goes for you Sunshine," she says as she disappears out the door.

Brian felt so tired this was probably the medication or just because his body needed sleep to heal. He looked over to Justin who had gotten his hand again and was intent on not letting go. He closed his eyes taking in Justin and how he was folding the book page over like he was done reading. He opened his eyes slowly again to see Justin standing, he looked up when he heard the quickening there was a warning beep it was Brian's heart speeding up. _Don't leave me just yet I though I lost you so don't leave._ Justin recognized the worried look on Brian's face for what it was, panic and came close to Brian and kissed him on the temple grounding him.

"I have to go take my antibiotic I'll be right back then I'll sit with you I don't have to leave just yet." Justin whispered in Brian's ear and then pressed his forehead to his. He disappeared down the hall and Brian tried to stay awake but fell asleep before the door even closed.

Justin was out in the hall he walked down to the cafeteria and got a drink, he could swallow pills, he just didn't like the taste of the antibiotic. He would have to take the pain medication in a few hours_. Well it could be worse Brian could be still in a coma or he could have died on that operating table…no it's best not to think like that. _Justin was trying not to think of the _'what ifs' _for Brian or himself and just focus on the fact that he could or Brian could have …died. Just 2 weeks ago both of them had finished surgery, but Brian had stopped living for a moment only to come back to him.

He was not going to cry instead he was going to not think about it and seeing Brian would make him feel better. It would be just like when he had been wheeled in that door and seen Brian alive, it had nearly stopped his heart. To see Brian broken, always strong, always there like a rock being the most fabulous homosexual he could be. It had been like when he found out Brian had had cancer, he didn't seem unshakable anymore, just human.

Instead, Brian was in that room stuck with a tube down his throat, a tube full of blood coming from his side, his arm stuck to his stomach, gauze wrapped around his other hand. He was Brian though and he was his rock when he kissed his cheek it all disappeared. Everything that had plagued him in his own hospital bed lessened until it was gone and he could just see his Brian. He had waited that entire hour for Brian to wake up but all he had gotten was eye movement when he kissed him.

"Are you done, honey?" a woman in an outfit that screamed 'I work here because I want to' it was like the hospital version of Deb. She took his cup of water when he said he was done and turned her back revealing button upon button. Some being for nurses, fair wages, doctors without borders, and even custodial buttons.

"Yeah," he spoke to the woman and stood to leave and headed back to room 486, back to where there where no _'what if's' _spiraling around his head and he could read "Anthem" to a sleeping boyfriend.

""""

Thank you for your time and remember no flames just what might be wrong grammar wise or spelling wise as well let me fix it.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Michael visits

Brian was asleep when Michael came to visit and Michael wasn't to sure if he should wake him. The doctors had said he needed his rest and was very tired because of the medication. Justin had told him about the ventilator being taken out and he was glad, he had one shoved down his throat after the bombing, it had not exactly been fun. Well he could join the club with Justin and Michael if he wanted to, the ventilator club 'we could make shirts,' He heard Brain say in his head.

"We should make shirts," he said to the room aloud and Brian stirred from the bed.

He lifted his head and saw Mikey the pain he felt in his chest was worth it to see Mikey.

"What should the shirts say Mikey?" Brian asked about the comment that had woke him.

"Ventilator club," Michael said as he sat in the chair he spotted a bear in the corner it looked like his mom's doing. "Oh she is going to give you an ulcer."

"Got any TUMS," Brian joked.

"You know what TUMS spelled backwards is?"

"Smut," they both said and they laughed which turned into coughing from Brian. Michael felt bad for making Brian cough when he was clearly in pain from laughing.

"Sorry," Michael blanched, Brian looked like he would murder him for saying sorry.

"Sorry's bullshit," Brian announced to Michael after he was done with his coughing. He still had that death glare so he continued, "just don't make me laugh and you won't be killed by Sunshine or Linds."

"Okay so I was going to tell you Hunter wants to see you he's out in the hall with Ben," Michael said.

"Alright let the young breeder in just let me put on my make-up," Brian drawled getting Mikey to smile away from his worrying.

"We should stop the drugs," Michael said to Brian as he went out the door to get Hunter sitting with Ben. They smiled as they saw him, "he'll see you come on and see him, and no being a smart ass." Michael warned him as they walked back to the room.

Brian pushed a button on his bed and got into a more seated position he grimaced as the pressure wrapped around his arm and chest. There was slight dizziness but he dealt with it. By the time the door opened to reveal Mikey and Hunter he didn't smile he just stared and Hunter was just staring back.

"We'll I see the statue lesson's have been working out great I give it an A," Brian joke to Hunter to which Hunter only blinked.

"Hunter?" Michael asked his son.

"I'm fine," Hunter said.

"You better be, a statues life is not for you," Brian said from his sitting position in the bed the oxygen mask having been replaced for a cannula a day ago. After his pulmonologist had him strengthening his lungs enough for him to stay in the 90s his favorite nurse, Jessica had replaced the mask for a cannula that was much easier to deal with though he did feel like sneezing every few seconds.

"Well its not good for you either," Hunter countered seeing his fathers best friend stuck in the hospital bed and having to refuse to see him because to see Brian Kinney broken was like admitting that Superman had weaknesses. Or worse that the new life that he had built for himself with his father was just as dangerous as his hustler days.

"I'm going to be fine in fact I have to start the marathon in a bit which they believe will help." Brian half joked with Hunter because clearly this kid needed to realize that everything was fine even though his lungs did hurt and his arm felt trapped but other than that he had been fine.

"They want you to walk," Michael gasped looking at his friend who was looking like if he moved anymore he would be death warmed over he barely had any color.

"It helps develop my lungs after the surgery or as some cruddy nurse from respiratory like to say no pain no gain and then she usually like to say sorry to which I always respond-"

"Sorrys bullshit," Michael finished because it looked like Brian was running out of breath.

"It looks like someone has been paying attention in the Brian Kinney class," Brian drawled to Michael to which Hunter actually laughed at the normalcy apparently it was sinking in.

"Look you'll be out in a week and Justin has to go back to New York soon why don't you convalesce in our house?" Michael asked the loaded question hoping if it was quick then Brian would maybe not notice.

Brian of course did notice though that Michael asked the question he had been expecting Michael was wondering about from a 2 weeks from now when he would be released from the hospital. "Michael it's okay I'm fine Justin talked to his agent and his agent told him he could stay with his hubby if he needed to because the art world was done with him for a few months while he prepped for some new show." Brian half quoted and embellished what Justin had told him yesterday when he taken his leave.

"Awe you said hubby," Michael cooed to which he received an eye roll, which meant Brian was tired, if he hadn't gotten a pillow smacking him.

"No Justin said hubby and then proceeded to leave the room unless he incur my wrath but then I just passed out after and dreamt of fucking him," Brian yawned and then made a lewd gesture with his cheek and tongue.

"Okay you must be tired," Michael, drawled, "you didn't describe it to me."

"Sure Mikey," Brian yawned again he was fighting sleep because the medication was making him a kitten and right now he hated it.

Michael stepped to the bed and gave him a quick peck and then shushed him, "I'm leaving you can stop with the acting and fall asleep your body needs it at your age."

"Oh haha," Brian said to him and then saw Hunter wave goodbye before he was dragged out to Ben sitting in the waiting room of the 4th floor.

"Brian," Jessica asked the sleeping man, who she had known for a duration of 2 weeks.

"I need to change the bandages," Jessica said to the sleeping man, he groggily replied to her chattering.

"Brian you kind have to help me remember in order for this to hurt less." Jessica said to her charge she pushed the bedside table to the bed and set the wraps down.

"Yeah," Brian said as he moved to sit up as Jessica pulled his right hand with him up into a sitting position.

"Good glad to see your memory isn't going Brian," Jessica quipped as she undid his ties and pulled the gown off and went to undo the end of the immobilizer.

"The verset should relax you and then," Jessica pulled on the limb that was currently immobilized from being relocated to hear a sharp gasp. "I know it's not my favorite part of my day to cause you pain either Brian," Jessica apologized in her way because Brian said sorry was useless with him.

"I know just a necessary evil to see me naked," Brian grimaced as he tried to joke. This had become routine to change the bandages and keep infection away or at least try to.

"Oh you wicked man, I know you don't play for my team, besides you know I'm off the market." Jessica said as she teasingly batted her lashes and showed a line of pale flesh where she normally kept her engagement ring to Dr. Monterrey.

Brian seemed to drift off as she continued her routine first a sponge bath and then to get clean bandages off Brian. She was halfway done when she saw he came back to her time.

"Did you start wandering again?" Jessica asked, this had not been the first time Brian had done that, it normally meant he was reliving something.

"Yeah this time it was the night he left," Brian said Jessica knew what he meant.

Brian was quite chatty, though it could not have been easy to get her patient to open up, she had managed. She could not be worth her salt of having Dr. Monterrey for a fiancee if she couldn't get a guarded man to open up. She had learned a lot about her patient in these daily bandage changes and vital checks in the night.

"Is the one where he asked you to change or the time he left for New York," Jessica said as she wrapped a layer of gauze across the gauze already there.

"New York, he had his bags all ready and I was remembering that I still have those rings and he looked so stunned that I still had them. It was like he couldn't believe that I would put his happiness before my own." Brian said as she tacked the last of the gauze on itself. It would be so much simpler if he could just have the one long cut but instead he had many cuts that where under those bandages. It was just like him, so much hidden under the first layer, then just a simple cut cured with anti-biotic cream.

""""

Thank you for your time my dears and remember sorry bullshit but please and thank you are even appreciated by Brian.


	8. Chapter 8

** Chapter 8** **An unexpected turn for the worse**

**A/N I felt generous today and wanted to post another chapter!**

Brian was asleep a day later when Justin came to give him a report from Kinnetik, Cynthia and Ted had it under control much the same way when Brain had radiation days. It had been 3 weeks and Brain had his arms all healed up and he could move both of them now. He still hadn't seen his stitches on his chest yet the zipper scar was slightly freaking him out when Dr. Monterey had mentioned it to him when he discussed Brain's condition to him. Brain was probably didn't have any knowledge of it otherwise he probably would have pulled a Brain Kinney by now.

Justin let his boyfriend sleep and started on an email about him feeling better and the stitches had gone and the bruising had faded, along with the rest of it, but his boyfriend was still in the hospital. He ended the letter saying that he could ship two painting from the Pits because he had finished them and he had plenty of time on his hands now that Brian was out the woods and had both his hands in use. Speaking of hands he felt Brian reach out and grab his when he was closing his email.

"Your up," Justin said and laced the fingers then slowly untwined them and laced them again he was playing with their fingers.

"Check again," Brian yawned and let Justin play with his fingers it grounded him and he liked that even if it was hopelessly romantic and he felt like a fire was raging on his skin.

"Hey today I have to go to my studio and paint but I should be able to pass any notes on to Ted and Cynthia if you have any when you go through this huge manuscript." Justin said as he pulled out a huge manila envelope filled with reports that only Brain had the privilege of signing.

"Oh joy my paperwork has come home dear," Brian smirked and pulled the envelope on the table he really did feel hot.

"Don't worry dear you can always just leave it for the secretary to rubber stamp and then you can always fuck me on the kitchen counter," Justin teased as he relaxed his hand in Brian's grip.

"Stop that and come here," Brian said as he scotched over to leave enough space for Justin to lay near him on the bed. His ribs had healed to an accommodating level and he could be released next week baring no complications, so he didn't care if anyone caught him and Justin holding each other on the too small bed. "This feels nice my dear," Brian smirked and placed his hand on Justin waist right where the seat belt had crushed him 3 weeks ago and almost lost his lover.

"I like it here your so attentive," Justin mumbled into Brian's neck pressing small butterfly kisses to his neck like when he had found out about the cancer and they had gone to Babylon. Then gone home early after the "Wet Willy Contest and he had helped Brian out of his clothes because he had still been pretending but he still needed that touch to reassure him that Brian was there.

"No I'm not I'm just glad that after a month of not seeing you that I get to see you for a whole month." Brian breathed slowly he wasn't tired he was just comfortable with Justin in his arms even though he felt warm.

"Your really warm," Justin yawned and said at the same time apparently those dark shades under his eyes where what had made Brian so certain this had been what Justin needed like he always knew.

"Sleep I'll be here when you wake up too, I'm not exactly going anywhere tethered like this," Brian said to Justin in a whisper before he planted a kiss on his young loves lips.

Brian had seen those eyes and knew them instantly the where the eyes of an insomniac Justin because he probably hadn't been sleeping that well knowing that Brian was here and not at the loft. Poor little sunshine had no idea Brian hadn't slept well either except when Justin was here, which was all the time. The only reason he had gotten so much sleep during the first few weeks was the medicine and his body saying "I command you to be like the dead and sleep."

He could start speaking but that would mean disturbing Justin and he didn't want to do that. He pulled Justin's arm to him and rubbed his right hand he could feel the tension in Justin's body even in his slumber. With his newly sling free hand and a weeks worth of rehab done he at least strength to rub the tension out of his lovers hand.

2 hours passed before he was drifting off and a nurse decided to open the door and it happened to be Jessica, she looked sheepish but he waved her in. Brian was never shy when it came to his body and Jessica had been his nurse for 3 weeks now, he was not shy around her and she was also the person he told a lot of his shit to especially about the fact that he wished Justin had not been in the jeep that night. He had decided that Justin and he could talk once they where home.

"He asleep," Jessica asked and stepped to Brian's IV and started the tension of the blood pressure cuff.

"Yeah he doesn't sleep that well when I'm not at home I know he snuck pillow cases I used to New York with him." Brian said to Jessica when she was done stopping his blood flow in his right arm.

"Oh really," Jessica said to Brian she charted his vitals and pulled the thermometer from the wall, "open young man."

"I love it when your all dominatrix," Brian whispered and then opened his mouth.

"shh you'll wake the one you love," Jessica teased her friend.

The thermometer beeped and she stared at the number it read 101 degrees, "ooh your hot dear we'll check that don't worry."

"I'm not planning on worrying, and I've always been hot," Brian said and pulled Justin into him more, planting a kiss on top of Justin's head.

"Okay then we'll watch you for now though." Jessica said as she replaced the chart and went to go inform Alex, it was inevitable for Brian to get a cold, the hospital was a Petri dish. A fever is the bodies way of letting the world know that it was fighting an infection.

Justin was sleeping for over 4 hours now when he felt Brian shift and wake up, to Brain's heat, he was hot. Brain was shifting in his sleep and was sweaty, like he was when he had radiation sickness, and for a moment he thought he was back to the time Brian had gotten so dehydrated Justin had to take him to the hospital. This was until Brain was grimacing from moving to quickly and his bandages could be seen under his gown.

"Brian," Justin said groggily and shook the newly located shoulder.

Justin felt him then and felt the 100 degree heat, it was similar to when he got the flu and Justin had made soup that was "shit" in Brian's words. He pressed the call button to get a Jessica; they where looking for infections, in patients now that it was flu season he had been warned to be extra carful to not spread anything to Brian.

"Brian," he asked more force full, this is what normally happened you could never wake him if he had been in a fever dream just talk him through it. Then normally you were to never speak of it again, he never remembered anyways.

Justin got up from the bed and tried to wake Brian up which he new would be pointless anyways but he could still hope, the fever hadn't broke 103. Jessica came in then, saw Justin to wake up, and went to her patient.

"Brian I need you to wake up," Jessica asked in a loud voice. She reached for the thermometer behind the bed and placed it in Brian's ear. Which in itself was a struggle because Brian was trying to get away from the feeling she followed him to the edge of his pillow. She was used to pediatric children so this was no problem, 30 seconds later he was still trying to get away from her in his sleep and Justin looked worried.

"He spike it up it looks like it climbed to 104 in 4 hours I'm going to get Dr. Monterey. Then I'm going to get a cooling blanket can you keep trying to wake him." Jessica asked of Justin who looked at least better now that he had slept some.

She left the room and returned with Dr. Monterey and a cooling blanket, Justin at least had gotten a groggy and confused Brian.

"Brian do you remember three weeks ago," Dr. Monterey asked Brian who was sitting up and leaning on Justin, something he would never do with anyone present.

"nrms." Brain said to the doctor. To which Justin translated after many months of incoherent Brian drunk, sick, radiation, pillow, sleep talk, and even fall down high talk he understood that was negative.

"Okay do you remember Justin," Dr. Monterey asked gesturing to the blonde man currently helping Brian stay up.

"He says yes and that his lawyer should get a better restraining order against his stalker. To which I say stop saying I'm your stalker that was like 9 years ago."

"Can we take his temperature again this seems more like more than a 104 temperature," Dr. Monterey asked Jess.

"Yeah maybe he will cooperate this time then," Jessica said then reached for the thermometer and pressed it to Brain's ear.

"It's 107 isn't?" Justin asked to Jessica.

"No but close we need the cooling blanket and the ibuprofen now would be nice, it's 106, now in 10 minutes it spiked."

"Brian I know your cold," Justin said to Brain when he complained about being cold already and he didn't want to be more cold though his skin was boiling against the blondes own skin.

He pushed Brian back down into a reclining position and Jessica pulled the cooling blanket onto a protesting Brain. Alex pushed the ibuprofen into Brian's IV and started opening the line to let it flow faster. Brian grabbed Justin's hand and didn't let go when he was about to stand up and sit down in the arm chair.

"I'm not leaving you, just staying out of there way," Justin said when Brain unintelligibly asked why Justin was leaving him.

"Shh Brian, you might scare him off with your neediness," Jessica jiked to one of her favorite patients.

"hwe newssd" Brian said to her joke.

"He says I know him enough, that nothing will scare me off, I'm his stalker after all," Justin said and then tightened his grip in a reassuring way to Brain. "Shh I'll read to you we just finished "Atlas Shrugged" so we can read "1984" now," Justin said to the chilled Brian who was still sweating.

"itni cdsdt," Brian complained.

"It'll take your mind off the cold," Justin said as he pulled the book from his bag and set to reading another story.

^*^ A couple hours later

Michael was walking down the hall to room 486 in hopes if catching Justin, he had wanted to talk to the little blonde. The problem was the little blonde had been loft, hospital, loft, hospital, sleep at Debbie's and then the cycle would start again. He came to an abrupt halt outside the room hearing Justin read one of a classics though Brian had said it was a classic not him. Captain Astro was a classic not Orwell's "1984" in his book.

He edged into the room, and saw Justin holding Brian's hand and Brian holding right back, it shocked him Brian had shown public affection plenty of times but this was something he thought he would never see.

"Justin," he whispered to which the blonde stopped reading and Brian head moved in a questioning way.

"I'll be right back," Justin said to Brian in the bed, stood up, and let go of Brian's hand to which Brian latched right back onto as soon as he turned to face Michael.

"He do that often," Michael asked to Justin.

"It's the fever he thinks I'm leaving for New York or even…" he whispered the second part, "Ethan." Justin blanched when Brian tightened his grip at the mentions of the fiddlers name.

"Okay," Michael said as he walked more into the room, "I came to see if I could talk to you but we can procrastinate a little longer on the next Rage issue," Michael said once he was fully in the room.

"Okay, hold on a sec," Justin bent to Brian and talked to him in a whisper, "Brian Michael is here, will you please stop trying to strangle my hand."

"He must really be out of it if he wants blatant comforting, it's like when we where kids and it was before he started to cover his heart from Jack and shutting everyone out." Michael said to the whispering Justin.

"What?" Justin asked, Brian didn't like to talk about his childhood unless it was in false bravado and sarcasm, Jack Kinney was the equivalent of his Chris Hobbes.

"When Brian would come and hide out at my house, before he would shut people out, I'm glad he let you in more, it's nice to know you two are finally sharing your lives more." Michael genuinely smiled to Justin, because he truly did like Justin he was a great guy, just a little young but the right thing for Brian to find happiness.

"hrrsamd sjfid dodjf sodf sdods djfd adsfj rifd weddf," Brian muttered.

"Stop patronizing him he's your best friend." Justin said in an offended tone. "He said stop the loving Mikey and just go home to your wife I have mine."

"He did, did he?" Michael scoffed at how Justin was offended for him.

"Yes he did." Justin said and then went back to sitting down on the chair. Brian fever had reduced but not to a level where they could take him off the cooling blanket. It was still hovering around 104.

"Hey Justin listen I was going to go but if you need anything you'll ask wont you?"

"Yeah, you know he can be a handful," Justin joked and picked back up the book as he made to leave.

"How is he?" Michael asked before going at the last minute.

"He should be fine once the fever stops being as stubborn as he is," Justin said as he looked at Michael and at that moment Brian latched onto Michael's hand.

"DASDFAS DFAASDA" Brian shouted.

"Brian it's okay I'll come back," Michael said he guessed that Brian had yelled for him to not leave.

"It's okay when he has a fever he normally doesn't remember what happened during you can go I got it." Justin reassured Michael.

"You really know him don't you," Michael asserted when he let go of Brian's hand to put it back under the cooling blanket.

"Yeah taking care of him when he's sick does that," Justin said as he grasped Brian's other hand when his fevered glazed eyes landed on him, "I got you."

"Bye love birds," Michael said as he left the hospital room.

It was 2 hours later when a very groggy Brian, had his fever broken and was declared fine. He was relatively healthy for his age and still young in his thirties. This complication hadn't barred him from leaving in a week, making it a 3 week stay at the hospital.

Thank you for you're time and I'm holding Brian and Justin hostage until I get 2 review this had reached 60 pages in Word and it's fine with me I'm just excited I wrote that much. To put that in perspective this chapter started at page 35 and ended at page 38. I wrote to chapter 11 get your tissues for that one.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 Going Home **

"Brian," Justin said as he came back with a wheelchair and was expecting to find Brian dressed like he said he would be.

"Yeah," Brian said emerging from the bathroom, holding a small toiletry bag, and still wearing his hospital gown.

"I thought you said you would be dressed by the time I got back with the discharge paper work." Justin said as he put the 6 papers on the rolling table and looked at his boyfriend.

"I know, I just didn't know I was so messy," Brian said as he put back the toiletry bag into the small duffle bag Justin had brought to put Brian's many things and gifts into when they left.

"Your not messy your analy rentitvely neat," Justin said as he kissed his boyfriend, now at standing height once again.

"You still love me," Brian smirked. He pulled the change of clothes out of the duffel, and went back into the bathroom, he was still pretty shy about "the zipper," at least around Justin, anyway. He wasn't going to pull a Brian Kinney or at least he promised he said he wouldn't Justin was

"Oh I'm glad I caught you," Jessica said as she poked her head into Brian room, she had a tin of small cookies store bought, she had said she was a horrible cook and that Alex was the cook in the family not her.

"Why so you can torture us with your list of things he's not allowed to do while the wire still adjusts to it's new home," Justin said.

"No so I could say goodbye to my favorite couple and call dibs on wheeling Brain out. It's looks like you'll have your hands full." As she motioned toward the duffel bag, the two flowerpots, balloons, cards from well-wishers, and not to mention Debby the bear.

"That's why Justin brought the duffel bag he like to plan ahead," Brian said as he emerged from the bathroom he had motion of his arms just not enough to wear a shirt that had to be pulled over that's why he was dressed in business casual of jeans and a button-up green shirt.

"Oh yes I have heard many a tale about his plans," Jessica laughed as she handed the tin of cookies over to the couple.

"It wasn't as elaborate or fantastic as he tell it I assure you," Justin said and swatted Brian's arm for good measure.

"Hey stop abusing me, I'm still injured," Brian sulked and then smiled when Justin gave him a small peck on the lips.

"Brian did you remember what I said about car rides," Jessica said when she noticed the small pillow was missing from his side that was supposed to protect him from hurting too much when he had to wear a seat belt.

"Yes I just can't remember where I put the dam thing," Brian said as he continued to pack up the many things that had been gifted to him during his hospital stay. He hadn't been treated like an invalid or like he was going to die, he liked that even though he had died for a minute.

"It's in the bag," Justin said when Brain continued to go about the room un-tacking Gus's many pictures of him and Justin, and how they where going to play when he got better. A few had Mel and Linds, there was even a picture from JR saying she missed him since he couldn't tell her stories from the great place of the Pits.

"What would I do without you Sunshine," Brian said as he carefully rolled up the drawings into the duffel bag. He looked at Jessica a women who knew a lot about him and his desire to talk to sunshine after they got home. It would not be easy he wasn't exactly the heart to heart type. The good thing was that Justin knew all that, he would probably have to say I love you before the end of the night. Maybe that was a good place to start, "I love you sunshine so shut-up and don't interrupt even though I probably won't speak at times I just need to get it all out."

_Oh yeah that'll be the day, no most likely it will fester right below the surface, you can barely even take the fact that your not the king of Liberty Ave. Can you though I mean it hadn't been that hard, Justin was pretty much all he needed in the love department, though yeah he did need to have his dick sucked occasionally he just didn't need the fucking from strangers as much._

"Brian," Jessica called because she had gotten used to that thinking face pretty often now.

"Yeah Jess, I'm back and ready to leave, you were starting to get on my nerves," Brian said with a roll of his eyes.

"Let's get going then," Jessica said she still had one more thing to do.

###

"Brian Dr. Monterey and I have one last request of you," Jessica said as they walked to the Justin's rental car, the insurance company was still deliberating with the cops. "Alex and I want to invite you to the wedding but we understand how you feel about marriage." Jessica said as she handed the small invitation to Brain and Justin.

"You know I think it's for dykes and breeders," he toothily grinned like a jackass. "Just the right people to get married," Brian said as he slid into the car. It was a little harder then when they had taught him in physical therapy, there where so many nuances to living with hardware in you chest, especially for the first 6 months.

"Exactly us breeders like to tie the not so will you accept the invite or not," Jessica asked.

"Yes we will come I will drag him if I have to but I doubt he would really put up too much of a fight for me," Justin smiled as he pulling his full sunshine smile on Brian.

"What he said," Brain answered to her question, Justin knew him so well.

"Good I'll be expecting you," Jessica said as she snapped the seatbelt shut over Brian and his pillow which was protecting him and closed the door on the couple that where here friends. She would keep their secrets, it's sometimes easier to talk to someone outside the situation then it is to talk to someone directly in the situations path.

^&^&^ Back at the Loft

"Surprise," everyone shouted, of course everyone would come to the loft when he was said to be released. It was not really a surprise to Brian and Justin had been to quiet on the ride home.

"Not really," Brian sing song back at them and then felt hands run up to his legs. "Hi guys," he said to the munchkins that where Gus and JR.

"I know but we couldn't help it," Emmett said from where he was standing.

"Nope you probably didn't it was you're inner fairy calling to get me," Brian said as he sat down on his thousand-dollar couch. Gus got up on his own then decided to help his sister sit next to her second dad.

JR saw Brian more then Michael, mainly because Brain had even gotten clients in Canada just to have more then one reason then to spend a week long trip in Canada. Sure, he treated JR like his, she was his little girl he had doubled the child support payments when the huge fight had broken out over custody. He had kept out of it mainly because he knew what it felt like to be an unwanted child, he thought it wasn't fair and had given attention to JR.

Brian just tried to enjoy the conversation going on around him Gus had decided to monopolize his time with stories about soccer. JR would occasionally tell him about her favorite color, or how her brother was treating her. Gus loved his little "dolly," as he liked to call her instead of JR like everyone else in the family. He loved both his children's even though only one was technically his, and even then, only genetically it was weird he never thought he would love kids until he had some.

Emmet had thought of many things like getting ready a theme for this party apparently the stud of Liberty Avenue hadn't died in all of their eyes. Deb had taken care of the food and made him eat to his bursting point during the party, to his chagrin. Justin had talked with Mel and Linds about small things like new art coming out,a new court case that Mel was part of, or Justin having a mess at his gallery opening in Manhattan. Where all the guest had taken offense to a painting and someone had decided to spill a little whine on it or around it.

Michael was joking with Hunter and Ted it felt like a normal night something that he hadn't had in three weeks. Speaking of things he hadn't had in three weeks, he nibbled on Justin's ear a way for him to signal the end of the party.

20 minutes of protesting and promising to see and drop by later, the loft was clear of other people according to Brain. It only had the person he wanted to talk to in it, now to figure out how to talk to him.

He pulled Justin to the bedroom and he looked tired which might mean he might not fight as much when he starts to talk. _Oh no we are so not having sex right now, _Justin thought as he went up the stairs and sat up in the bed next to Brain.

"Penny for your thoughts though maybe you would like 200 dollars," Brain said as he sat near the headboard.

"200," Justin said cheekily to his lover, "though that's all you get because you couldn't afford anything else."

"Expensive tonight are we, okay, I'll give you 200," Brian accepts.

"What are we doing in bed it's 8 o'clock," Justin genuinely wanted to know so he could avoid sex, sure he was on Vicodin but how good could sex be when Brian had to control every breath.

"Well we are in bed because I have been up since 6 in the morning, then we came home and I sat down and didn't get up again until Deb yelled at me to come eat. That was 4 o'clock let's see our tale then continues with a laughing family and fun night until I couldn't take it so I aroused you until I could get you alone and not for the reason you think." Brain said knowing that Justin thought this was going to be about sex.

"Oh so what was I thinking this was about," Justin asked, _because I'm pretty sure I'm right._

"Sex," Brain said as he rolled his lips back into his mouth. "It's not by the way and you're not allowed to talk for the next few minutes okay, you have to promise me. Can you do that, twat?" Brian added for good measure to make it seem more like himself, then some dyke about to express his feelings in a very choppy way.

"Brian what are you talking about… alright I promise not to talk aloud," Justin said then added under his breath_ just because your not making much sense right now and maybe we can actually talk now. _

"I love you…you know that," Justin shook his head in the affirmative; he was keeping to his promise so far.

"Good I like that you know that, and I know you knew before I let myself show it, I want you to stay with me for a little bit. I regret letting you…leave to New York." He got up from the bed and started to pace in front of the closet. "I…fuck," Justin looked un-phased by his cursing, "when you where in the car next to me passed out and they where putting us in the ambulance I didn't freak out as much because you grabbed my hand." Brain voice broke it was a little too much to remember that Justin hadn't been responsive when he had cursed god even more the night of the prom.

_I did what, _Justin thought as he looked at the way Brain was struggling for words.

"You being gone wasn't something I could really think about, I was scared when you left me for New York," Brian rubbed his face he felt somewhat frustrated because he had made Justin promise not to talk and now he needed the little twat to talk. "Umm can you talk because I want to know if you regret leaving or if I'm alone in this fuck this was a bad idea."

"You're not alone in this I had a wonderful time conquering the art world but I want to stay with you I want my art world and I want you too. Brain you know I have always loved you, ever since the first time you fucked me. Brian I can honestly say that I miss you and that it would beyond great to see you more than through a web chat or skype message." Justin said as he came up to wrap his arms around a struggling for words Brian he was gentle as he wrapped his arm around Brian's shoulder.

"I need you to remember that," Brain said as he kissed Justin and held him close it wasn't hard to be close physically it was easy but emotionally was like swallowing glass and sometimes glass was easier then saying I love you.

"Why, I can never forget it," Justin said as he went to unbutton Brian's shirt and felt Brain stop his hands.

"I need you to remember it... because it's my promise to you to be more open... remember after the cancer I said I would be more open. I'm going to show you why were talking okay," Brian said as he brought Justin to the bed because he was self conscious about _it._

They called it a zipper and it was as if someone had decided to hack him up, sure, it was an emergency but the keloid was not exactly a pretty reminder of what could have happened to him. Sometimes he could feel Justin checking him for cancer the way he would stop for a brief second when he was sucking him. It made him a little more self-conscious about his health; Justin wanted him around for a long time just like Brain wanted Justin around.

"Brian what you…what's going on?" Justin asked as Brian slid his fingers from Justin's hip and went to the green shirt. _SO he really is scared of not being perfect for me I thought we were past this... at least he trying to be honest thank you for the chicken soup recipe Deb._

"I'm trying to…fuck. I'm just trying to keep to our pact that we made after the cancer and the bombing and after we called of the wedding. The one were we promise to talk more and be open about how we feel." Brian said with more emotion then he wanted to show but it had been building for three weeks he knew his Justin had things to say too.

"Okay tell me Brian," Justin said as he touched Brain's shoulder to comfort him touch was something they both spoke.

"I wanted to show you something that I'm…let me just show you…I mean you didn't see it." Brian said as he slid his hands further up the green shirt and started to unbutton the shirt and for the first time Justin noticed that Brian had been modest, something he never would have done.

The shirt was buttoned all the way though he didn't have a tie on, something that was unusual for the impeccably dressed man. Brian was slow and deliberate with the first one then the second just as slow, but on the next four it was fast and quick done by well practiced hands.

"Jessica says and I quote it's healing nicely, but it doesn't look or feel remotely nice," Brian said as he finished with his shirt and pulled it off completely to toss it toward the hamper. He felt the pad of band-aid that was 7 inches long running down his sternum, "I don't want to scare you anymore than I know you are Sunshine," Brain said as he ran a hand through Justin's hair in a soothing way. He knew Justin was afraid of loosing him, more than anything Justin was afraid of loosing him.

"Okay I'm scared but wouldn't you be? I know how you dealt with me being in a coma, I had a brain injury, they're not the same thing but you were in a coma and in your room I wasn't scared. But when I left it, all theses fear came and it just hit me that we could have died." Justin expressed to Brian.

"I understand being scared I was scared when I woke up and it hit me about what happened, I had thought that we had gotten home. It was like my mind couldn't handle the thought of something happening to you or me anymore, like it had decided that what had happened to us in the past had been enough already." Brian said as he moved his hand over the padded gauze still not liking the feeling of it being there he knew it was real but he still didn't like it.

His hand moved to a corner of it, Jessica said it needed to be cleaned anyway so he might as well expose Justin to it now while he had enough courage for this. He saw Justin's gaze linger for a second on the gauze then go to his face, Brian hadn't missed it. He began to peel the bandage off and the sting of the bandage being unclaimed on his skin it was nothing compared to how Justin was looking at him.

"Can I touch you?" Justin asked, it was hard to look at him because Brian was open right now, it was like stepping into a lion's cage he needed to be cautious but at the same time he needed to be himself they had promised that.

"You can always touch me Sunshine," Brian reassured he closed his eyes for a second, Jessica said this would be hard, people who had to deal with something like this it was best to let their partner feel them so they could get used to this, this new part of them.

Brian opened his eyes again to see that Justin was being unguarded too, you could have touched the tension that was in the bedroom, it had never been like this in the bedroom. Their was so much emotion that they where feeling it was crazy, Justin's hands came up to Brian's hips and then slowly they came closer to his incision.

_Why did I have do this tonight, because he would have freaked out had you worn a shirt to bed…I an wearing a shirt to bed…wait I'm going to wear a shirt to bed? Well yeah, you don't want the irritation do you… do we even own pajamas…yeah I think? _Brian's thoughts raced as Justin's hand came closer to his skin, the scar tissue covering the wires and his heart._  
_

"What's going through that smart brain," Justin asked as mixed emotions played out on Brain's features when he finally came close.

Brian felt Justin touch his scar and felt the world…continue on, it hadn't stopped Justin didn't apply pressure, or rub the scar he just touched. It spoke so much though that his thoughts stopped. He looked into Justin's eyes, leaving himself completely vulnerable, and open to him only Justin could get him to do this.

"Do we own pajamas?" Brian realized it was a completely absurd question when he had said it allowed especially considering that Justin was touching his scar but his thoughts had been racing.

"Bri…what? Yeah we do," Justin said as he moved his hand up over the incision and started laughing when he touched the shoulder of his boyfriend. It was funny how Brian had asked that question it was out of the blue but it cut the tension like someone and suddenly it was like someone let the air back into the room.

"I were pajamas at Gus's house why didn't I remember that?" Brian said as he laughed he didn't care that his lungs hurt he loved Justin's full blown laughter. His faux pas had done something at least, then Justin laughter did something else it turned into crying, it was weird how emotions worked. Without thinking he pulled Justin closed he didn't care that it hurt his chest like a slap, Justin needed to purge.

They where close and it had probably just hit Justin that maybe something as simple like pajamas being missed or all his clothes being left behind if he had died. They had told him about him nearly dieing on the operating table, and that fever had been dangerously high even though it had all passed. It had still taken a lot out on his Sunshine he could feel it in the way he shook against him. He had known that when Justin had come to the hospital each day and looked like when he had nightmare or couldn't sleep after the bashing his sonny boy had been hurting.

"It's okay I'm not going anywhere," Brian comforted as he stroked Justin's hair and held him close. Justin pulled on him too one hand was around his back, the other was pulled to him close and right next to Brian. This had been where he had wanted to be the whole time, Brian hadn't been the lion tonight more like the man he loved the open Brian.

####

Thank you for your time and if you see any errors in grammar please tell me but don't flame me. Justin and Brian wont be angsty I'm pretty sure you will shed tears of joy in chapter 11! I hope that you write a review especially if you want to see it up faster I got a cute scene coming for you if you review for me! I felt the love yesterday and thank you for that.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Hello my reader's I did ask beta reader's if they would help, sadly they have not got back to me yet that was 3 days ago. I do think your comments were well needed because yeah I do find that I need to find all those "Brians" here is the thing though I don't know what HMO is? Also I have a problem looking at the last comment as nice but I do thank the guest who wrote for chapter 8, "in spirit" as you said. Again I am looking for a beta and if you feel like though reader and are a beta or no one who would be willing to help this story do tell it would make the show go faster.

Chapter 10: A Lazy Day in Bed is Not Always the Greatest Thing

Brian was sleeping in bed it was the middle of the afternoon and he had to do things, but it didn't matter right now. Justin was in a pajama top and so was he for a second he thought, _are we in Canada?_ Then he moved from where he was propped up and the sharp inhale reminded him, _nope not in Canada_.

Then it hit him, _no we are not in Canada._ He had a pajama shirt on because he felt a little uncomfortable with his body; it was similar to when he had cancer except he didn't kick out Justin. Right now Justin was curled up to him holding his right hand to his body like it was a life line, good thing he didn't have any broken bones there. His sweet romanticized boyfriend had confessed his fears last night. All of them, of truly loosing him and so much to what was about the accident and the sadness of leaving him for New York Brian had felt that too all of that but he hadn't kept it to himself he had told Justin how he felt.

It had all come out, it had been painful and revealing and it had been just what they promised each other they would do. Brain had been right Justin had been keeping it hidden until they could talk more open, the hospital wasn't the place for that, in the loft where they could admit to loving each other, where they had worshiped each other's bodies and had discussed marriage and breaking up here. This is was were so much had happened and here was were they could heal.

He could only alleviate Justin and his own fears by reminding him that he didn't have to leave or even go back to New York, Justin could stay. Justin had turned his dining room table into a workstation, there was a huge pile of newspaper on the hardwood floors and the easel he kept in storage for him was on the pile. It was a painting it seemed like there were three more of them and, the sketchbook had lots of crumpled paper next to it, he used to sketch like that when he was angry.

He pulled his hand from Justin's death grip and went to go brush his teeth, when he came back to the bedroom Justin had moved to where Brian had been sleeping and had his pillow in entwined in that death grip. _Maybe we don't leave the house today or maybe leave him alone for too long. I could just work on some paperwork that Cynthia wanted done for what now three days. I should be nicer to her…nah I'll just send her some flowers with a lude comment to make it seem more like me and then she wont get too worried about me being on pain pills. _

He went from the bedroom to get his briefcase and saw a blinking light on the answering machine. He didn't much care to check his messages but he hadn't been home in close to 3 weeks. He pressed the button and listened to the first message predictably, it was from Mikey.

"Hey Brian, just wanted to see if you need something I don't know like some company, or some food. Call me when you get this." Brian had one thought when he finished that message, _Oh Mikey I think I'm doing just fine with Justin no more company is needed thank you._

He listened to 3 more similar messages from Deb and even Emmett, there was a business message from Ted about a new account being desperate. Then talking about how he really should look at some paperwork about approval of a new account. He looked at the paper work in his hand and saw a binder for artwork, he heard the next message it was for Justin, he skipped it he wanted to give some privacy to Justin and his mom.

He listened to a message from Deb one from Linds and Mel, about asking how he was it was from a 2 weeks ago when he was still under sedation. Linds was explaining that she couldn't get another flight back for a few more days but the gallery was more than understanding and gave her a week off. The last message he probably never expected it was from his mom Saint Joan.

"Brian! You answer the phone right now! Deb was hysterical yesterday when I ran into her at the church," Brian noticed the slur to his mom's words and thought _she's been drinking again._ "You answer the phone and explain to me what happened to you, I know you weren't in an accident you better not be in that bed with a man," she went on for the full 5 minutes of a message eventually choosing to preach to him. She brought up the cancer in the later message there was another message an older one it was dated the day he had gone into surgery for his arm, she had no idea.

_Better call sis before she calls me, god I so don't want to deal with their bullshit about me being a sinner or a black sheep. I'm fine being the black sheep you leave me the fuck alone Saint Joan! I'll deal with it later today is about me and Justin, _Brian thought as he looked at the bed.

He was mad as he heard the last message and when it ended he just wanted to delete all the messages, he couldn't though. Instead, he poured himself some guava juices took a pain pill and just breathed deeply, it was for his ribs but it helped his temper. He put his hand to his chest and felt a little less pain, he didn't want to use the spiramoter, so instead he was just breathing deeply and when he was done. He placed the empty glass in the sink and went back to bed just in time to it looked like his Sunshine was waking up at, he looked at the clock, 2 o'clock.

He sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed, put the paperwork on the nightstand, and looked at Justin. "Morning," Brian said lazily to those blues that had stopped him in his tracks all those years ago, under a street lamp.

"Is it?" Justin asked as he stroked his lover's knee right next to him.

"Nope, it's the afternoon we needed sleep," Brian said as he motioned Justin to scoot over. Justin released his pillow and looked a little sheepish at having done it. "Don't look like that I know you stole pillow covers and brought them to New York with you," Brian blatantly said as he lay down next to his lover.

"I might have stolen your pillow cases," Justin admitted and went to grab Brian's hand it was like instinct because he had woken up a few minutes ago hearing the machine go off. He thought Brian's mom had called again, and then he heard Brian walking around and remembered last night. He didn't want to let go of Brian right now but he also wanted to brush his teeth, his OCD got the better of him and left for the bathroom when Brian grabbed some paperwork from the bedside table.

When Justin came back, Brian was squinting at a binder of artwork, what was Brian doing. He grabbed his sketchpad from the dining room stopping to look at the easel and the unfinished painting there. It was a dark painting just something that he might not sell, he once told Michael the best artwork is often personal, but this was the car accident and his fears. This was the fourth one he had done, it was the last one maybe, and it felt like he had so much emotion though. So many fears, and last night he had actually slept not like the last 3 weeks where he had been painting, or crying, or talking to his sister who had been afraid that he might be lost again. He had actually slept, with Brian right next to him, he had woken up in the middle of the night though and stared at Brian for a good hour before dozing again.

He went back to his side of the bed and looked at Brain still looking like he had seen something terrible he sat down next to him. He looked like the artwork was crap in his boyfriend's opinion so he sneaked a peak at the work. He himself grimaced at the, could it be classified as abstract work.

"You don't like it?" Brian asked Justin when he saw him looking.

"Oh no I would totally buy glasses from a company that has an advertisement that makes me think I have the wrong prescription." Justin sarcastically answered to Brian's question about the eyeglass company.

"Right," Brian exclaimed sarcastically, "I was just thinking that."

"You want me to help," Justin asked but the on the inside he was begging because he hadn't been able to help Brian on advertising in 3 months. Because of his last contract with the gallery, it had left him painting everyday and only had time to leave one weekend per month to see Brian. Last month had been the worst they barely even video chatted and had resorted to texting every few days it was bad. He had finally established himself though, this new contract would allow him sometime to stay here and maybe the next one would allow him to stay entirely.

"Please," Brian fake begged his lover which made Justin smile and kissed Justin's temple where a faded scar was.

"Tell me the concept and what you had originally wanted," Justin says as he opened his sketchbook to a blank page.

Brain flipped through the artwork binder and the informational page. It was a page filled with the original name, idea, and the money they where allowed to spend on the idea. It also had Brian's original memo, for what his idea had been. This had been after he took the meeting with the company and they had said that their new eyeglasses where to express who their patients were.

"How did he get that from 'each patient in the Optomus eyewear is unique and artistic because much like our patients our glasses are unique too.' That is supposed to be what Optomus told me. Then I said, 'unique eyeglass, unique people for the catchphrase I came up with 'You are uniquely you so why shouldn't your eyeglasses be uniquely you too?'" Brian questioned the idiot from the art department who had done such a thing as put a strange pair of ugly as fuck glasses on the page and then decided to make the type set wrong.

"Does the company do custom glasses or something?" Justin asked as he wrote down the name of the company and the catchphrase.

"Yeah they have unique customers they said with special taste, so they sometimes have designers work directly with clients to come up with new ideas for their next pair of glasses line. It's kind of revolutionary on the catering to your customers in retrospect though it is a small company in comparison to say LensCrafters." Brian said as he saw Justin starting to sketch a face with some unique features.

Justin took the term unique to a new level, Brian was reading the other paperwork and an hour later when Justin was still sketching and he saw him grab his right hand for the third time in the last 20 minutes.

"Why don't we break for lunch," Brian suggested because Justin could be stubborn when it came to his hand. "I think it might be best if you cooked with me, still not used to standing for long," Brian admitted.

Sure physical therapy had been great for his arms and walking had helped him with circulation because he got nauseous after he had been lying down for a week. It would have been ideal to start walking after the surgery on his ribs even though that seemed insane to him, Alex had said it would have helped. They couldn't though because his lungs had been too weak, one had quit, the other was sewn back together, and on top of it his heart had decided to stop. Yeah he was lucky, as Alex had put it.

He went to the kitchen and started to bring a pan out of the cabinet above his head and grimaced it was terrible, he stopped and it took some pride but he didn't care it was painful to lift his arms.

"Can you get the pan," Brian asked Justin so without much talking he just did it, which he was grateful for Justin not commenting. "I'll get the vegetables, for the stir fry," he grabbed the zucchini, carrots, peas, mushrooms, brown sugar, lime juice and all of this was accompanied by Justin grabbing onions, garlic, ginger, chili, basil, and chicken. They where making homemade Tia chicken stir-fry something that Brian and Justin particularly liked but added some of their favorite vegetables.

"I'll get the cutting board," Justin said when Brian started heating up the pan and it looked like maybe he would have trouble getting it from the upper cabinets.

Brian started to make the sauce and was done by the time Justin had cut all the zucchini, he made a gesture to say 'gimmie' when Justin was about to start on the rest of the cutting. Justin handed him the knife then and went to go get the bowls and forks Brian was not one for keeping chopstick though he was talented with them.

"Do you want to have brunch in bed?" Brian asked Justin because it seemed like he didn't want to leave Brian's side for more than a few minutes. He had gotten the bowls they usually used for soup or stir-fry, and come straight back sure; it didn't make sense to set the table either, the table had been taken over by art.

"Okay," Justin nonchalantly brushed-off and brought his hair out of his eyes it had been a few months since he had gotten a proper haircut. That was another gripe about the contract no time for personal things like haircuts.

Brian noticed that Justin seemed to be distracted about something, "tell me," he softly demanded of Justin.

"Contract," Justin immediately answered.

"Huh, what contract… is this about you having to go back to New York so soon, it's 3 weeks from now, I wont be completely healed by then but I could stomach the train ride." Brian said even though he knew there would have been a lot of work when he returned it was still his company. He just could not pull a Ibiza trip if he wanted his other ball to stay where it was. Cynthia would probably forgot she missed him as soon as he showed up a week from now. However, truthfully it would have been Cynthia who would remove the other ball if he pulled the trip to soon he could do it a month from now though when Justin had to leave.

"The gallery, or at least my agent, said that my next contract had to be negotiated in person because the one I have right now is too short for…and I'm quoting here 'too short for us to let a great artist like you to leave us so soon with no permanent stake in this world.'" He finished his air quotes and looked at Brian because he was afraid to leave his side it was similar to when he couldn't be left alone after the bashing.

With this though it was strange he was afraid that Brian would stop breathing, during the night, while he stood there, when he did the breathing exercises, anytime it was irrational. Last night he had confessed to this fear, but it was still there, he had even woken up last night in the middle of the night and turned his head to see his pajama top wearing boyfriend still breathing right next to him. His brain hadn't believed it so his hand wandered from where it was to Brian's deeply breathing chest and rested there for a minute to reassure himself. Brian telling him that he would go to New York with him was nice news. Brian had told him last night that he wanted him to stay, he had offered while Brian was in the hospital to look after him but now Brian asked him to stay in the partner way he had been expecting that at the end of the healing journey not before.

"You can stay because you are my lover so you better let me at least come with you, I have to see this other great artist that their talking about. Blonde hair, blue eyes, twink of a figure and has an amazing ass, I here he's pretty good with a brush too." Brian joked and tried very hard not to laugh because it hurt.

"Jerk," Justin exclaimed in mock hurt.

"You wound me," Brian said in mock hurt as he stirred the pan and tried to not roll his eyes at the stupid banter that was making his Sunshine smile.

"No I don't, you're just saying that so I'll smile," Justin laughed as he looked at Brian who was dying now to roll hi eyes.

"Maybe," Brian admitted and then rolled his lips into his mouth, "Come here," if Justin could have moved faster it would have been impossible. "Will you kiss me?"

"Maybe," Justin admitted as he kissed him on the lips chastely, it was weird being in the kitchen and not touching like horny teenagers being left in a house for the first time. He flipped off the burner and scooped the food into the bowls then went back to kissing Brian, not as chastely this time.

Tongues tasting each other, it was not the first time they had kissed since the accident but it was like they where confirming what the other person tasted like. They had this sense to just feel each other so Brian wrapped his right around Justin's hips and his left on Justin's neck. Justin had pulled Brian close to him by putting both his arms around Brian's neck they had gotten used to this position after years of dancing in it, that it was second nature. They stood there trying to swallow each other for about 12 seconds before Brian had to breathe, pulling the air strongly through his nose and then deepening his kiss with Justin because he could hold his breath for more than a minute. It had always made him good at head for that reason and many more but manly that one.

It was two minutes later that they had stopped long enough to grab Brian's pain pill and the bowls and move to the bedroom. Brian was lead by Justin back to the bedroom he noticed again that he was holding Justin's hand. When they where enjoying light conversation about a new gallery opening in the area and it's main pieces being about constructivism and an on loan exhibit from Andy Warhol collection the conversation shifted to photography and Brian's love for it.

"You found your first camera when?"

"I was maybe 10 at the time and I had an aunt who would rarely visit, you know, well anyway she came down for Christmas and Claire and me are thinking like most years she will have more presents then me and I will have sucky presents like socks, and a crappy sweater." Brian explained as he continued to eat the zucchini and avoided the carrots, "My aunt surprised me by giving me a present secretly so my father wouldn't find out and ruin it for me. I loved my aunt from that day on, she passed away when I was at college, she was the only women who could make me do something like Cynthia can." _Probably why you hired her a bit of the old aunt to put you in your place_ Brian thought. "She gave me a roll of film and explained the camera, a friend had helped her get it, I wrote her in secret to develop my film, used to give the envelope to Mikey to send. She would send a new roll of film every time she sent the pictures back. I actually didn't find out until years later that she kept double prints, Jack actually found all my photos once and that was the end of my photo collection. I'm just glad he never found my camera, probably thought it was someone else's he was drunk when he found the photo box."

"Sorry," Justin seemed to whisper but Brian still caught it or maybe he didn't because he didn't brush it away.

"It's all okay, I stopped while I lived with them, but as soon as I got to Pen State I worked and paid for a camera, Nikon. I learned about extravagance after college but that was worth the three pay checks." Brian exclaimed after Justin's apology it was okay if he was saying sorry for his aunt but not for the past because you couldn't change it.

"You paid three pay checks for a camera!" Justin yelled couldn't believing a camera cost that much sure he knew art was expensive he was an artist himself. _Three pay checks though what was it solid gold….wait Brian wasn't paid the same as he is now he probable had a measly salary 60 buck or a 100 maybe so that is either 180 or 300 dollar camera?_

"I can see the calculator working you have that 'I don't like math' look to you, it was $214. It was a FG-20 with a little hand crank that you turned to roll the film and there was no auto focus, there was a self timer feature, and lastly I could not afford the extra lens. Hey that thing is a classic and I still have it, it's probably with my old chemicals which have probably gone bad by now I moved here 16 years ago." Brian counted off in his head.

"God you are so old." Justin said as he took a bite out of his carrots.

"Am not," Brian goofily said in a mock 5 year old voice.

"Now I would just be considered a pedophile," Justin exclaimed as he tried hard not to laugh because Brian couldn't at the joke, he knew his laughter was contagious. He still smiled brightly when Brian continued to give him this huffy look, it looked similar to Gus.

"Okay that is terrible now I see where Gus gets his pouty face I can tell you right now it's not from Lindsay," Justin struggled to get out through his imperceptible chuckle until he couldn't hold it anymore and it turned into laughter.

Brian rolled his eyes at Justin and, didn't care if Justin saw it, "Are you making fun of my Sonny Boy?" Brian said in his mocking manner with his head tilt and disappearing of his lips.

"No," Justin smirked then added quickly "just you."

Brian smirked at his Sunshine and the continued laughter that died down when the phone rang. It was a number that was blocked; Brian picked it up because he was closest and because he could speak now. The moment he picked up the phone and heard slurred speech on the other end he wished he hadn't though.

"Hello Kinney residence," Brian slowly questioned hoping it hadn't been his mother.

"Brian Vincent Kinney," Saint Joan slurred on the other end, she had been binge drinking since she first heard 3 weeks ago about a weird rumor concerning her sinner of a son.

"Yes Saint Joan," Brian icily stated to her slurred speech, Justin stared at Brian he could see the emotions play out across his features.

Justin had quieted his laughing when the phone rang and stopped when he saw Brian's face fall from the happy smirk to a small cloud of depression.

"You mother fucker, now you answer my call, the bible says honor your mother and father or at least I would say honor your father except he was a dead beet," Brian's mother slurred as she took a swig of her empty wine glass, she opened another wine bottle.

"Yeah well first you have to define mother," Brain answered, "under mine you were a saint not a mother because I was your shitload of suffering remember."

"I was the best mother I cooked, I protected you from your father, you disappointed me by telling me you chose to be gay," Joan slurred as she walked about the kitchen sloshing wine for emphasis on each word.

"It wasn't a choice," he condescendingly responded as he covered his eyes, this always hurt sure he said he hated his parents. It still hurt to be rejected though, that's why he often rejected people before they could hurt him. "I was in an accident not that it would have mattered to you either, I just got out of the hospital yesterday ,don't call again it was bad enough to hear your slurring on the answering machine. Goodbye Saint Joan." Brian drawled out and hung up the phone. He held the phone in his hand for a second and looked to Justin who was looking scared, _probably thinks your going to drink on your meds._

Justin didn't speak he just looked to his boyfriend who had been on the phone with his mother. Joan and judging by the way Brian was talking it was not a pleasant conversation, and the fact that Brian had alluded to the hospital and the voice messages, Joan still didn't believe it. The cops had talked to him and Brian, it was on the news, the driver was dead and the person who rear-ended them was not at fault according to the cops. _Yeah sure because tailgating is completely legal in Pennsylvania and other parts of the US no matter the fact that it causes more accidents because it's contributing factors from road rage! _

"She'll probably call back again because she got drunk, fucking alcoholic," Brian raged and shook the phone; he tossed it aside and ran a hand through his hair. _I wish I was faking it mom! It was for the pain that I do all the things I do to hurt you ma!_

"Yeah what do you think she was drinking?" Justin asked only because Brian was not going to talk about his mother no matter what he did his parents something that was not to be openly discussed.

"Wine she likes wine, hates beer, dad liked beer though, especially when he was in a mood." Brian ranted when he looked from where he threw the phone to Justin. "It's okay I'm not going to take out my feeling and drown them in what you think," Brian reassured him and dropped some of his anger.

"Oh okay so we're going to go back to our day in bed?" Justin asked only because Brian could do that he could just drop his emotions, mainly when he didn't want to confront them. It also looked like Joan, was having fun with wine for the day so maybe she wouldn't call back.

"Yeah, let me see your hand," Brian asked out of the blew, as if it was normal to yell at your mother, put away anger and then ask for your boyfriends gimp hand all in the same second.

"Okay," Justin complied to Brian's request and saw Brian start to rub it.

"Should I bring my camera when I'm in New York?" Brian asked as he kneaded the tense muscles in Justin's hand. He had been right Justin had been working when he wasn't at his bedside, his boy needed to learn moderation and sleeping.

"Yes you can be all artsy," Sunshine smiled as he remembered Brain would come with him to New York.

"I think you got that covered just fine," Brian replied, as he put everything that had just happened in the back of his mind, his mom didn't matter she wasn't in his life nor did she want to be so he pushed her out.

"Well then can you be fancy for me?" Justin asked because, Brian was hot in his suit.

"Oh, you just want me to look sexy so you can show me off," Brian jested.

"Maybe," Justin teased as he flexed his right hand and saw Brian give him a sexy look.

"I am you're trophy wife?" Brian asked because it was funny, most likely Justin was the trophy wife; he had shown him off at the opening of Kinnetik.

"No you're rebel of a wife who does not conform to anything such as marriage," Justin declared to his boyfriend.

"Oh I'm no one's wife then," Brian questioned as he finished releasing tension in the muscles that head been cramped from drawing the eyewear ad.

"Oh no," Justin asked, as he smiled in a suggestive manner.

"Okay you're done," Brian said as he stopped rubbing Justin's hand, his back hurt and he couldn't ignore it anymore. He kept reminding himself that he just took the pain medication and that it would kick in any second.

Justin noticed the distress on Brian's face, pain it was stamped across the tight lines in Brian's face. He was trying and failing to hide it from him, he grabbed Brian's hand and held it with his left.

"Squeeze," Justin gently ordered because Brian didn't do to well with commands.

He felt Brian squeeze his hand and take small breaths in and out because big ones where too painful at the moment. The wire was painful, it was foreign not part of him, and right now it was causing his chest and back to hurt. _I'm okay, think of anything besides this like you did when you we're a kid. Think, you don't want Justin to worry, he has enough to worry about, think anything. What did I used to do when Jack was beating on me…what did I think of then? Michael I used to think of fun we had….I haven't done anything fun with him in a while…_

"Distract me," Brian asked through gritted teeth it was getting worse as he needed to take deeper breaths to ironically take away the pain.

"Uhh," Justin said but then grabbed Brian for a passionate kiss that made Brain forget he was trying to breathe.

Because truthfully it could have been the pain meds kicking in, or it could have been the endorphins flooding Brian's system when Justin kissed him. Either way Brian never really figured it out, but when Justin pulled away from Brian that Sunshine smile made him forget.

Thank you for you're time and you know what to do if you see an error. Again thank you for the support it makes me so happy. to see what you guys think and I know I feel this chapter was a little choppy then the other's where.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Sleeping is Like an Unwelcome Guest

"Brian," Justin said to the dreaming man next to him.

"What?" Brian groggily replied as he rubbed his eyes and looked down at where Justin was.

He took a double take, Justin was near his hip, and his arm was slung across his mid-section in a protective manner. That was not new though, ever since he got back from the hospital 6 days ago, Justin had been sleeping like that, holding him because he couldn't sleep lying straight. What had caused the double take, was the tears in Justin's eyes, Justin never really cried.

_"I'm not some little faggot that just cries,"_ Brian heard echoing throughout his head from many years ago.

"What's wrong Sunshine?" Brian asked as he rubbed Justin's back it was all he could do in this position and that seemed fine with Justin.

"Making sure you were really here," Justin muttered because the nightmare had seemed so real. It was the same one from when he woke up in the hospital.

"I'm really here, I'm pretty sure I'm going to fall asleep in a second again because of the meds but," Brian pulled Justin up next to him, where he was propped. "While I'm conscious enough to talk or form coherent sentences I can tell you that I'm here."

"I know," Justin choked out through his tears. He felt Brian's shirt against him, he slid his hand to Brian's shoulder, reassuring him.

Brian kept looking in his blue eyes that where red rimmed, and his hazel eyes kept that stare. He was breathing; he was there right next to him, not disappearing in front of his eyes. He was not dripping with blood in fact he was very clean from Justin helping him in the shower, that had been fun but Brian was still a little touchy about his scar. It was weird to see him so modest, right now, though he had an arm around him, he was also rubbing his back. Justin grabbed Brian's left hand to his right; he just wanted to see how their hands could fit together like every part of them.

"I'm right here Sunshine," Brain's groggily reassured normally he would be saying something like 'Don't think about it' but right now. "What are you doing with my hand Sunshine?"

"Seeing if you fit into my hand," Justin overly romanticized said to his fading boyfriend who was clearly too drugged to understand. His response to his statement was proof enough that he was too drugged to understand the underlying meaning.

"How can I fit into you hand, I'm like 6 feet tall and your hand is not even a foot," Brian tried to clarify which only got Justin to chuckle.

"It's okay it overly romanticized anyway, it would break you if you understood," Justin mumbled once Brian had started to fall asleep on him.

Justin shifted so he could hold Brian though, Brian did lean on him when he shifted it was still sweet and overly romantic for Brian. Good thing he was asleep, sure, Brian was still the same man who didn't want to be married but he would have done it for him. Here he was drugged and still understood that Justin had wanted comfort, another thing that was funny about Brian being on medication was that he understood things like that. It was strange because when he was normally high he tried acrobats, dancing, sex like an animal, Some of the things he would never do were drunk dialing he would turn off his phone, he wouldn't snore mainly because of the position he was sleeping in and he never really cried when he was drugged.

Justin stayed up for an hour, holding Brian by his middle, and liking the fact that Brian was sleeping in his arms. Justin reflected back to his dream it handed changed a little, Brian had been covered with blood, and disappearing but this time, he was turning blue because he couldn't breathe.

Brian had been dancing with him, it was the prom they where in their tuxedos and dancing. He couldn't hear the song because he was too happy, then suddenly a small gash appeared on his forehead where Brian had had stitches. Justin was still trying to grab him out of thin air but the thing was that when he saw Brian it was weird he was standing, he was in the same tuxedo all the blood gone. He had rejoiced because he had come back, and when he grabbed him and stopped the panic attack, he even smiled at him. Brian was talking to him and then in mid-sentence he had just stopped, and that same panicked look like when he saw that he couldn't breathe. It had gotten worse and when Brian had died, he was woken up to Brian in front of him.

"I love you," Justin kissed to Brian's head.

"I love you, too," Brian mummer through his sleep.

&^&^& Morning

Brian was changing his the gauze over his stitches and fixing the tape down, when he felt eyes stare at him, he looked to the side and there was Justin standing in the doorway of the bathroom. _This has got to stop it's like he's dog, and I'm the steak._

"Justin what are you doing?" Brian asked as he thought about the scenario of the _lost puppy again._

"Nothing," Justin quirked as he continued to stand in the doorway of the bathroom a few minutes ago he had looked up from his drawing of the next Rage issue to see that Brian had disappeared from where he had been sitting next to him.

"Uh-huh, do you suppose I could have gotten away with that answer yesterday if I hadn't told you how I was feeling?" Brian rhetorically asked of his boyfriend, "I didn't think so," Brian smirked as he grabbed Justin by the wrist and brought him out of the doorway.

"Fine," Justin conceded he looked at the shirt Brian had put on not at Brian's face. "I just don't like you disappearing in my head or around here…"

"Huh... what do you mean in your head," Brian wondered.

"Just the nightmare," Justin shouted as he got up from the bed and rubbed his head he walked around the bed he was frustrated from this fear of no longer seeing Brian ever.

"The one where I disappear," Brian asked. He remembered that Justin had told him his fears and about his nightmare of Brian going away forever.

"Yes but last night you were…"

"Last night?" Brian asked because he didn't remember waking up last night, in fact he didn't remember much since he had started Oxycontin.

"Yeah the dream changed it went from you disappearing while covered in blood to dyeing in my arms. It was just so real, I woke up crying and you were still here." Justin dropped his anger when he looked at Brian standing next to him when he turned around.

"I'm not dying in your arms I can't promise you I wont die because I will eventually but I can promise you that I will be right here if you need me," Brian reassured his boyfriend who was currently pacing it felt like that was all he could say.

He pulled him close and they sat on the bed as Justin started crying on his shirt he didn't mind it was okay for Justin to be scared. He wasn't so traumatized because Justin had been awake when he was in the ambulance but to know that your lover was stuck in limbo when he couldn't breathe was something he knew about. Justin was in a coma for a while after the bashing and for a week he couldn't breathe on his own that had scared him shitless. He kept that silent vigil for months when Justin was in the hospital.

"I don't want you to go," Justin choked out from sobs his emotions were like a roller coaster.

"I'm not going anywhere but you have to know that eventually I have to go to work, or go to I don't know sometimes I have to go places that you can't like I'm pretty sure you don't want to go _everywhere_ I go." Brian tried to emphasize but he was floundering because Justin held tighter to him which hurt to say the least.

"Ow ow okay let go because it's hard to breathe," Brian grimaced and felt Justin relinquish him.

"Sorry," Justin apologized he truly was sorry he didn't want to cause Brian pain.

"It's okay just Justin remember ribs cracked," Brian cleared his throat and stroked Justin's still crying face.

"Sorry," Justin apologized.

"Hey look at me," Brian demanded to which Justin looked up into Brian's face. "I know you're scared I am too it's just that when I was scared of loosing you I…." this was going to be hard to explain. He weighed the option of not coming clean and admitting to his vigil or not so he decided it was best to tell him. "I stood over you're bed for all those months because I was scared I might loose you I didn't want to loose you. I stood vigil after the bashing the whole time it's okay to be scared it's not okay to let it swallow you," Brian admitted.

Justin looked confused for a second until it dawned on him what Brian had meant. He felt angry for a second because Brian had kept that from him but then he saw Brian had that look on his face that said what it had cost him to admit that. He looked closer to see Brian, really see him, his anger dissipated replaced by love for this man who had always loved him ever since he stood under that lamp. He felt breath on his face when he realized how close Brian was from him and felt his fears return but he squashed them down when he looked up to see those hazel eyes always speaking nothing but the truth towards him.

"Why can't we just have normal lives," Justin spoke aloud without realizing what he was asking.

"Because normal is boring," Brian responded and grabbed Justin hands in his. He walked Justin to the living room and went to a box he had slightly forgotten about, but in truth always knew what was inside of it.

"What are you doing?" Justin asked as he was lead to the bookshelf and saw the box that held a smaller black box inside.

"You said why can't we have normal lives Justin," Brian spoke as he grabbed the small carved box from the shelf and walked to the couch, not sure what would happen. "I was okay with normal if it was you, I wanted normal but only our version of normal and I think the universe is telling me too do this because God sure aint." Brian stated as he pulled the smaller jeweler box out of the carved one. "Listen we don't have to get married but let me use these rings for something else okay We were going to promise marriage to each other with these rings but that isn't us there are no locks on our doors. Are you okay with me using these for a different promise," Brian asked and Justin nodded because he was clueless.

"Okay," Justin slowly said because he knew Brian kept the rings he just didn't know where this was going.

"I promise to stay with you if you promise to stay with me," Brian held the box open to Justin and made Justin smile at him a weak smile but it was genuine. "This is me saying that I want you around for a very long time and also ensuring that I stay around for a very long time with you." He took the ring that was Justin's size and slipped it onto Justin's slender finger.

Justin finally being clued in understood Brian was getting rid of his fear in his boyfriends owns way and Brian was making it so that he could have that happiness that he wanted.

"I promise to stay with you if you promise to stay with me because I want you around for a long time," Justin repeated as he slipped the ring onto Brian's finger. Justin for the first time felt like he was just there and that Brian was going to stay and more than anything that he had regretted not staying in the Pits with Brian.

"I wished you would have stayed with me too," Brian confessed because he knew Justin felt the same way. Who's idea had it been to sacrifice their love for a future, he thought for a second and then realized it had been him. "I know we talked about this earlier but I did regret you going to New York."

"I regretted it too," Justin added and then without really thinking about the fact that Brian had just warned him grabbed Brian.

Brian felt the impact but didn't care it was worth the pain because Justin had admitted to him that he missed him. They had never done that even when he went to LA or when Justin had gone somewhere and he missed him like crazy, they had never admitted that or when Brian had gone away on business.

"Please can we just forget about today and only remember this part," Justin pretty much begged.

"Only if you admitted that if you feel like I will go from you that you will remember that I promised you I wouldn't leave."

Thanks for you're time, I was wondering should I end it here or should I make it more into the visiting of NY and the whole recovery process? Respond because I stopped here on my Word but I don't know if you want the other ideas I have Respond please!


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